The Q Who Walks Through Walls
by mojo2722
Summary: Reality and fiction are not seperate entities. If you have ever wondered what the characters that we write about in our fan fics really think about us authors then this is the story for you. (Note--In order to get the humor, you may need to read other f
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER:  
  
"Star Trek" and all associated names and characters, with the exceptions of the ones created by myself for this story, are © Paramount. I am a fan of Gene Roddenberry's dream and just wish to keep it alive so that tomorrow's youth may gain by it as I have. This is fan fiction; there is no infringement of copyright intended with this story, nor have I written it for personal financial gain. So relax, engage at full warp and enjoy!

(Please note before reading—The concept of this story-line is to help both readers and writers to understand the art of fiction better. It is set in the multiverse first envisioned by Robert A Heinlein, a golden age science fiction writer. His idea put forth in the book 'The Cat Who Walks Though Walls' was a simple one, and is explained in the story. In essence we create whole new worlds when we write, and those worlds are just as real as the one we are living in. The moral I hope to show by this story line is that good and bad fiction alike both are responsible for fostering our imaginations. It is not really my intent to review other stories by this writing. I know it may appear that way, but what I am hoping to accomplish is to show how characters react to the fiction that we write. I mean after all, they have to LIVE in the worlds we create. And just as a side note nothing that the characters of my story are saying in their dialogues should be taken as cannon. They are just the opinions of the characters talking back. And BTW remember this is fanfiction, and just as we borrow characters and settings from other authors, we shouldn't hold ourselves above being borrowed from. Again, I will Reiterate, I AM NOT trying to form reviews of other people's work…or even my own for that matter…. I am just showing the character's point of view to the world that they live in. I mean a good example would be if Rudolf the red nosed reindeer went to visit John Rambo, don't you think Rudolf would run away screaming, "I think you are a bad man! I am heading back to the North Pole."

Just remember this is all meant in fun, and hopefully it will show a new perspective to aspiring writers and avid readers alike.

Also remember to take along that clean underwear, your mom just might be right about that.

Also, Also, never eat yellow snow, take it from me…it's not lemon flavored.

So relax and enjoy, the ride is about to begin!)

The Q Who Walks Through Walls

By

Mojo2722

Chapter one: …Just add water!

(Special guest authoring and editing by NixNivis)

Voyager had just ended on television, and he was now tired after trying to multitask by composing on the computer and following the plot of the show. He grabbed the remote from the end table next to him, and quickly silenced the screen by hitting the power button. Hitting a dry spot in his fiction writing he decided to hit save and close out of Word. 

He yawned slightly and stretched his arms up into the air. It was eleven PM and his night was just beginning. He decided to power down for a while, so he hit the start menu and selected shutdown. A few clicks and seconds later the screen to the computer cut to black.

He decided he needed some more caffeine if he was going to stay up, to work more on his fiction that night. He jumped up from his cyberized nest, stretched his legs trying to ignore the popping sound they made when first stood up, and walked into the kitchen.

He grabbed hold of the handle of the door to the refrigerator, and chuckled to himself. It was in all actuality nothing more than a beverage cooler to him, for he never actually kept any real food in it. He was a bachelor after all. He opened the door and peered inside. Thirteen ketchup packets salvaged from take out, a Domino's box that housed the remains of last week's pizza night, and the welcoming sight of his case of diet Pepsi. He bent down and reached his hand back into the case to retrieve a can of pop. He felt back further and further until the horrible sensation of hitting the cardboard backside of the case hit his fingertips. He desperately moved his hand from side to side to see if there was a stray can that had eluded capture somewhere in the case.

He had no such luck.

The case was empty.

He withdrew his hand and shut the door to the refrigerator with disappointment. He needed something to drink to keep him awake, and since he had no caffeine sources available to him, he chose to have the next best thing.

Sugar.

Because he had younger nieces and nephews that came to visit occasionally, he knew that hiding somewhere in his cupboards was a few packets of Kool-Aid somewhere. He began to open cupboards and fish through them. 

There were the plates, but no Kool-Aid. 

Spices, still no Kool-Aid.

Eighteen boxes of macaroni and cheese, yet again no Kool-Aid.

He opened the last cupboard and it appeared to be empty. Knowing that looks can be deceiving, he reached back feeling blindly along its shelves. 

That's when he found it.

He felt a packet of something that was definitely the right shape and size to be Kool-Aid. He grabbed hold of it and brought it down out of the cupboard to give it a closer inspection. He was disappointed. It didn't look like a packet of Kool-Aid to him. It was in a plain white package with only the words 'just add water' written on it.

He didn't remember buying anything that it could have came with, so he came to the conclusion that it must have been something that one of his brother's had brought over while visiting for his nieces and nephews to have. If that were the case, then it must be Kool-Aid, albeit very generic Kool-Aid.

He pulled out a pitcher from a lower cupboard, and set it onto the counter. He ripped open the packet and poured the reddish white powder into the pitcher. He turned to the sink and set the pitcher underneath the spout of the faucet. He gently turned the knob and the water began to flow into the pitcher.

He began to hear a strange sound. The powder in the pitcher was fizzing! It definitely wasn't Kool-Aid in the packet, he thought to himself. The pitcher began to foam over and smoke began to waft up from it. He slowly backed up, not bothering to turn his faucet off.

That's when his jaw dropped.

A human arm slowly reached its way out of the pitcher. His eyes instantly shot wider than they had ever been before. He stumbled further back landing against the refrigerator. The smoke intensified, and another arm dressed in a red shirt pushed its way up into the air.

He closed his eyes, and thought to himself, this is what it is like to go mad. His mother had warned him that too many hours in front of the computer monitor would make his mind turn to mush. He was beginning to think she was right.

That's when he heard it.

It was the sound of a thump. Something or someone had just landed on the floor not more than five feet in front of him. Slowly he let his eyes creep open, and when they were about half open he didn't believe what he saw.

He opened his mouth and asked, "John de Lancie?"

Standing there before him in a red officer's uniform from star trek was John de Lancie the man who portrayed the mischievous 'Q'.

"Well I've heard of a dry spell, but that was ridiculous." The man said, walking towards him.

"Okay that's it, I'm nuts!" he said.

The man who he thought was John de Lancie walked past him and turned towards the living room, "So mortal what is your name?"

"Mortal?" he questioned, realizing that what he was seeing couldn't be a psychotic episode. He got to his feet and followed the man into the living room.

"You mean to tell me, that you consider yourself a writer with a bit of talent, and you don't even know what the word 'mortal' means?" the man asked.

A sinking feeling in his stomach, and the notion of insanity returning, he asked, "Your not John de Lancie, are you?"

The man sat casually down in a recliner, crossed his legs, clasped his fingers and then responded, "A very astute observation, human. Tell me what was your first clue? Me being reconstituted from a powder by just adding water, or was it when I didn't respond to you by that name?"

"Your Q, aren't you?"

"In the flesh." Q beamed a grin.

"Oh my God, I am going nuts." He said as he collapsed into the other recliner that was in his living room.

"Now that I have introduced myself, would you do me the courtesy of doing the same?" Q asked.

He sank his head into his hands and mumbled, "I think one of my brothers has medications for this."

"Stop sniveling, human! This isn't a psychotic episode. I am really here." Q snapped out.

He brought his head back up and decided to face the psychosis that he was going through, he might as well have fun with it. "Okay, so if you are really Q then you already know my name. Q is supposed to know just about everything."

"Just about everything would be the closest label that your limited human intellect would be able to understand. But my mental prowess aside I know all about you, human. Would you prefer that I address you as mojo twenty seven twenty two, or would you prefer your given name of Joel to be used?"

"Shhhhh! Don't say that too loud, someone might be listening." Joel said staring outward at the backside of the glass of the computer screen.

"So which will it be then human?" Q asked.

"Well since you let the cat out of the bag already, you can go ahead and call me Joel."

"Well okay Joel it is then. Do you believe me now that this isn't some sort of a psychotic episode."

"Not really, and if I told my doctor about it I doubt he'd believe you either." Joel said, shaking his head. He looked over to Q and asked, "So what are you doing in the neighborhood Q? Slumming it?"

"Well actually I came here to show something." He said tilting his head.

"You came here to show something to me?" Joel asked.

"Don't flatter yourself, Joel. I said that I came here to show something and that is exactly what I intend to do." Q replied. With his response he snapped his finger into the air and in a brilliant flash, Joel found that he was no longer in his apartment in Iowa.

Joel found that he was sitting in the captain's chair onboard what appeared to be a galaxy class starship. He looked around and didn't believe what he saw. Stronger medications, he thought to himself.

"Well do you know where we are right now?" Q's voice asked from above him at the tactical station.

"Let me guess this is the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC 1701D." Joel responded.

"Wrong!" Q replied. He walked down the ramp and around to the chair next to Joel. He sat down and mused to himself, "He imagines and he writes and he still doesn't recognize the place!"

Annoyed by Q, Joel stood up and barked back, "What are you getting at Q?"

"Well you should recognize the place. Maybe this would help…" Q responded. He snapped his finger and in a flash Joel was standing at another location on the bridge. 

Joel found himself near the entrance to the turbolift. "What am I looking for Q?" Joel asked.

"Simple just read, you can do that can't you? I mean I was assuming that you could. Since you can write…well if you want to call what you do writing anyway."

Joel looked down and then it hit him. Written on the brass dedication plaque for the ship were the words, 'U.S.S. Hoyle'.

Q was now hovering over his shoulder looking at the plaque with him. "Do you know where you are now, Joel?" Q asked.

Joel turned around, faced Q, and asked in disbelief, "Are you trying to tell me that we are aboard the Hoyle, Q? I mean this ship doesn't exist, it's only in my imagination. I mean I only wrote about it in the privateer story."

"I know tell me about it. From the way you write I am surprised that I don't see a myriad of superfluous comma's floating about the bridge. Didn't you pay attention in your high school English class, Joel?"

"Okay, Okay, I know that my comma usage is not the greatest in the world, but that still doesn't answer my question. Are you telling me that we are aboard the Hoyle?"

"If you need that question answered, human, then I think I picked the wrong person to join me on this sojourn." Q replied walking back to the tactical station.

Joel followed behind Q and questioned, "So you are telling me that you can make my fiction come to life?"

Q laughed and threw back his head. He looked back down and began to tap at the controls of the tactical station. The main viewscreen came to life with the image of a balding old man on the screen. Q turned towards Joel, leaned against the console with one elbow. "Recognize him, Joel?" he motioned with his free hand to the viewscreen.

Joel knew the image very well, "That's Robert A. Heinlein."

"Very good, Joel." Q said with sarcasm. He straightened back up and said, "Now for the answer to your question. Tell me, Joel, do you remember what he said about fiction and reality in the book 'The Cat Who Walks Through Walls'?"

"Yes it was one of his later works, he wrote it in 1985, I remember it. And in the book he said that fiction and reality were the same thing, that the more readership the fiction had, the stronger the reality it created. In essence, however, what he meant was there are many different universes parallel to our own that are created whenever a writer puts them to print." Joel explained. He thought for a moment and asked, "Are you trying to tell me that you didn't create this? That Heinlein's idea about reality and fiction is in fact real, and that by writing about the Hoyle I am responsible for its existence here and now?"

"Bravo, Joel!" Q said and applauded a short and quiet golf clap. He continued, "And to think the rest of the continuum had their doubts about your deductive abilities!"

"Okay, so I get it now. I am somewhere inside the story line of Star Trek: Privateer. So what is your point to all this Q? What is it you wanted to show me?" Joel asked.

"There you go again, assuming its you that I am trying to show something to. Maybe it would be more clear to you if we had a change of local." Q replied. He snapped a finger into the air, and in a flash they were no longer aboard the Hoyle.

Joel wasn't used to traveling instantaneously through the ether to wind up just appearing in a flash somewhere else in the universe. Well somewhere in some universe to be more correct. Q was standing beside him, smiling. "Do you recognize the place, Joel?" he asked.

Joel looked about the room that they had 'arrived' into. It was dimly lit, and it appeared to be private quarters. He looked over and saw out of a viewport a breathtaking view of a planet. He continued to glance around the room and saw a federation replicator. The room was too large to be accommodations onboard a starship. "Okay we're onboard a Federation space station."

"Very good, Joel." Q replied with his usual sarcasm, continuing, "But do you know which one?"

"How should I know that, Q?"

"Maybe this will help." Q offered, as he snapped his fingers. A man appeared sitting at a desk in the quarters. He appeared to be either tired or in some pain, as he was massaging his temples. "Well, human, does this help?" Q asked.

Joel looked to the man sitting with his back turned to both of them. There was a black and gray uniform jacket hanging over the back of his chair. On his desk was a small portable computer unit. There was something all to familiar about it.

That's when the answer hit Joel like a bolt of lightning.

"Oh my God, are you tellin' me that we are onboard Starbase Bajorana?"

"And they said the apes wouldn't amount to much!" Q answered, shaking his head.

"Lord Nix, is gonna kill me." Joel said, cradling his temples and covering his eyes with a hand. He shook his head, removed his hand, looked to Q, and said, "Q we need to get out of here…now!"

"But the show is just beginning, and I haven't shown what I want to show yet." Q said with disappointment.

"Listen, this is Nix's story and we have no right to be invading it like this. Nix seems to be a nice guy and all so I don't want to piss him off." Joel explained.

"Invading his story?" Q pondered with his arms crossed and one hand cradling and rubbing his chin.

"Yes, invading his story. I mean can you imagine the consequences if Captain Marcus over there turns around and discovers we are here? That would totally ruin the story that Nix is trying to write."

"Relax, Joel. Captain Marcus cannot hear or see us, we are just here as observers."

"I still don't like it, it's not right to invade into someone's story like this." Joel commented.

"Oh I see, so trampling all over and invading professional writers' works is okay because it is…(Q motions with quotation fingers above his head)…Fan Fiction. But when it comes to going into another amateur's work you get cold feet?" Q asked.

Joel thought about it for a moment and watched the suit jacket draped over Captain Marcus's chair fall to the ground as he leaned back in his seat. Joel replied, "Okay, I get it. If the folks at paramount can accept what we fans do with their material, so should we as fans. But I still don't get your point to all of this Q?

"My point human is exactly all of this, human." Q said extending his arms out to the room and turning around in place.

"Is exactly what Q? This room?" Joel asked.

"No! No! No!" Q fumed. He paced back and forth for a second as if in thought and asked, "When you look around what do you see?"

Joel looked about the room confused. He watched as Captain Marcus turned around in his seat and picked his jacket up off of the floor. "I see Captain Marcus's quarters, Q." Joel answered.

"Yes! That is exactly what you see now and did see when we first came into the room. The poor reader of that story didn't get that info till just now when Captain Marcus picked up his jacket and answered his communicator. Apparently, your friend Nix wanted to keep the reader wondering in misery about where this person with the headache was. Instead of even implying a location, he choose to go into lengthy exposition about the second Dominion invasion, and how the captain thought his job was hard, and the capacity of the station, and of the current relations between the cardassians and the bajorans, and on, and on. I am surprised that he didn't see fit to include a complete manifest of storage bay six on level forty three in those introductory paragraphs." Q explained.

"In Nix's defense, Q, he did need to set some background info for the story up. It's only natural for him to do that."

"Oh I agree, Joel. I feel that the reader is deserving of all that background info, but we will get back to that in a minute. Let me ask you, have you ever read a story that doesn't give the reader at least an idea of the character's location within the first few lines?"

Joel thought for a moment, and watched Captain Marcus have a conversation with a klingon on the computer terminal on the desk. Joel replied, "I can't think of one, Q."

Q walked over to the captain's bed, stretched out on it, and explained, "Exactly! We fictional characters love to be seen. We like the reader to know what we are doing and where. If we didn't, then stories would be nothing more than dialogue, internalization, and exposition. So tell me human, how do you think Captain Marcus here felt about not being seen by the reader while his writer toiled on about useless boring facts?"

Joel answered with uncertainty in his voice, "Well, I guess that he must have felt a little disappointed that the reader didn't know where he was for so long. But in Nix's defense, those were not useless facts. They were necessary in order to develop the milieu of the story. I mean the reader would be lost without that background info."

"You are both right and so very wrong on that, Joel." Q replied.

The captain was still talking to the klingon. Apparently their tempers must have been flaring at one another.

"How's that, Q?" Joel asked.

"Well where you are right is that the reader does need that information in order to not be lost in the story. Where you are wrong is how he goes about it. Consider this, explanatory exposition is often thought of as being an internalization of the character. The question you need to ask yourself is this: Would the character really be sitting there thinking about all these facts that the author has chosen to force them to think about?"

"I don't know. I am not Nix, nor am I Captain Marcus. I really couldn't tell you if he would sit there and think about all that background info or not." Joel replied.

"Well let's just go to the source then." Q commented snapping his finger into the air. He turned to Captain Marcus and asked, "So what were you really thinking at the start of this chapter, Jonathan?"

Captain Marcus groaned and told the Klingon that he would have to get back with him later. He ended the transmission, shook his head, and said, "Not you again. Q, why can't you stay in your own story lines?"

"Oh mon cap-i-tan, no reason to fret. It's a simple question." Q replied.

Marcus sighed and replied, "Do you have any Idea the reaming I got from my author the last time I talked with you?"

"Well, he's still writing you, isn't he? He can't be all that put out with it." Q answered.

"Okay, Okay…If I answer the question do you promise to go away and let me get back to what it is I am supposed to be doing?"

Q laid his hand across his chest in an attempt of sincerity, "My word is my bond."

"Okay I'll do it. However, if he sees this and takes it out on me, you are not welcome the next time I see you." Marcus turned in his chair and continued, "Well to tell you the truth I wasn't thinking about the cardassians, or the bajorans, or the klingons, or the specifications for the station, or even any of the melodrama that occurs here that I have to put up with. To tell you the truth I was thinking about my headache, and focusing on my work and that was all."

"I see." Q commented. He sat up on the bed and asked, "That reminds me, what exactly were you working on at your desk? I mean your computer was turned off at the time and you didn't seem to have anything on your desk.

"Well I was doing….I was working on….that is to say the task I was performing was…."

"You don't know do you?" Q asked.

"I answered your first question, Q. Now leave!" Marcus barked.

"No need to be rude, mon cap-i-tan." Q responded, getting up from the bed. "Well, it would have appeared that we have worn out our welcome here, Joel. Let us depart." Q added, proceeding to snap his finger in the air, transporting them both back to what Joel could only assume to be the Hoyle's bridge.

"So I think that I am still a little bit lost, Q. You are saying that it is a bad thing to force a character to think about something they wouldn't naturally be thinking of at any given point in a story. Is that right?" Joel asked.

"Would you like to be forced to think about something you wouldn't naturally be thinking of at the time?" Q returned in question.

Joel shook his head, and replied, "No I guess, I wouldn't. But how do you recommend that the necessary background information get relayed to the reader then?"

"That's a mind numbingly simple question to answer, Joel. I had hoped you would have came up with a better one than that for me." Q smirked. He walked down to the captain's chair and sunk into it. He explained, "All the writer has to do is to relay the important facts in the form of dialogue between characters or as a natural result of actions they perform."

"What do you mean, Q." Joel said walking down the ramp.

"Human, I am losing faith in your writing abilities." Q shook his head. He asked, "Do you remember in that tedious exposition, the point where Marcus spieled off about the capacity of the station?"

"Yeah it was in like the second or third paragraph. It was ten thousand people if my memory serves me correctly." Joel answered.

"Well poor Marcus, and the reader as well, could have been spared the agony of that exposition fact had the writer just had that fact pop up in the course of casual conversation between characters. For example, there is a time later on in the first chapter when Marcus meets up with his chief medical officer. He could have just had the doctor say that even though she was responsible for nearly ten thousand people aboard the station that she would make sure to set aside special time for him."

Joel scratched his head and commented, "Wow! That would have been one way to have done that without exposition."

"The rule of exposition and internalization is simply this: Keep them short to let the story move fast, make them long to slow the story down.", Q explained.

Joel walked up and touched the panel of the conn station, until that moment this had all been a surreal nightmare for him. He turned to Q and asked, "So what if that was Nix's point…to start the story off slow that is. I mean he may have done that intentionally. I mean I have read his work and I like it. It is fun to read."

Q stood up, and said, "You may be right, human. However, he was breaking the cardinal rule of good fiction writing with those expositions."

Joel laughed and said, "And I'm sure your going to tell me what that is, Q"

"Well at the bad fashion risk of being predictable, I think I will, Joel." Q replied, continuing, "Rule number two of good fiction writing: Show, don't tell. Reading about the ballgame in the paper is boring, watching or listening to it unfold is exciting."

"I see, so what is rule number one?" Joel asked.

Q smiled and replied, "Have fun writing it."

Joel smiled and then let off a yawn. He looked at Q and said, "Well either I get back to my bed, or I need to get some caffeine in me."

Q lifted his hand to snap his finger and responded, "I know were we can get an excellent cup of tea."

"Where's that?" Joel asked.

"Chapter six of Star Trek: Privateer." He said snapping his finger. "And I know just whom to invite to join us…"

Suddenly, Joel found himself standing face to face with a woman he knew he had never seen before in his life. She obviously wasn't one of the Hoyle's crew, since she was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, and she just as obviously wasn't from the 25th century, as her furious glare was drilling into Joel from behind a pair of glasses. But who was she? And what had the poor woman done to earn Q's attention?

"Joel," Q smirked, "meet Johanna. Or should I say… NixNivis?"

"NixNivis?" Joel echoed, not quite catching on. "What NixNi… wait a second… Nix?!" An expression of utter horror spread across his face as it suddenly dawned on him: "You mean… _that_ Nix?"

"And we have a winner!" Q exclaimed, clapping his hands in mock elation. "Bravo!"

Joel just stared. The man who had threatened to descend upon him with a phaser set on "disintegrate" was not only a woman, but standing right in front of him… on the bridge of the Hoyle… in his fan fiction. 

Joel fainted.

* End Chapter One * 

Holy Q crossovers, Batman! Q has invaded the fan fiction universe!

Will our dynamic duo survive until the next episode? Will The wrath of Nix rain down upon them? Will Joel ever find the Kool-Aid? Tune in for the next installment because this story is…

To be continued…

P.S.—the I would love any questions or comments that you all have for me you can either post them on the review page or email them to me at: mojo@iowatelecom.net

  



	2. Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER:  
  
"Star Trek" and all associated names and characters, with the exceptions of the ones created by myself for this story, are © Paramount. I am a fan of Gene Roddenberry's dream and just wish to keep it alive so that tomorrow's youth may gain by it as I have. This is fan fiction; there is no infringement of copyright intended with this story, nor have I written it for personal financial gain. So relax, engage at full warp and enjoy!

(Please note before reading—If you didn't read the note at the beginning of chapter one…shame on you! You are an evil evil person and I am telling your mother! So go to your room, you are getting no supper tonight! I would also like to thank Treman2 for his invitation for me to have some fun with the current fic that he is writing. What's that, Nancy? You didn't get the request for the invitation sent out to him? Ah…well in that case…treman2 DO NOT read this chapter…it has nothing of interest in it…nope just discussing politics and ballroom dancing in here. Just kidding…;-)…I would seriously like to thank treman2 for being such a good sport…I have been keeping up with his work, and I have to say that his most recent chapter additions to Star Trek: Pirate have really improved! He is doing one heck of a job, and displays the going to-get-better-if-it-kills-me attitude that all writers should have! I always look forward to the updates of his story line; I am really getting into it. Of course I am the one who actually watched ghostbuster's two and really got into it. Come to think of it I try to decipher the plots of porn films…dang I need to get out more! Anyway I hope you all enjoy this latest installment of this escapade…. and Treman…please email me and let me know what you think…) 

The Q Who Walks Through Walls

By

Mojo2722

Chapter Two: Captain Bloodthirsty, I presume?

The surgical lights of sickbay blinded Joel as he came to. Standing above him was a familiar smiling face. "Robert Picardo?", Joel asked, taking a deep breath in through his nose.

"You're awake, that's good." The man responded.

Joel heard a couple of familiar voices having a conversation in the room. He groggily turned his head and slowly focused in on the forms of Q and Johanna sitting on a biobed facing each other.

"So that's when the doctor says to her, 'How do you like my banana B'Elanna?'" Q said and let off a round of shared laughter with Johanna. Joel had just met Johanna for the first time in this nightmare of events that he had been swept up into by the mischievous Q. He had only known her before as NixNivis. Before she was just a formless entity that he had associated with on the fanfiction web site; now she was a full in the flesh woman.

"So what did she do?" Nix asked.

Q raised an eyebrow, turned his head slightly, and replied, "Well let's just say she responded with incoherent moans that even his universal translator couldn't decipher."

Joel sat up on the bed, turned to the side, and let his legs hang off of the side. Jumping down from the surgical table he asked, "What are you guys talking about?"

Nix turned her head towards Joel and responded, "Well, I still am not a guy. However, if you are wondering what we are talking about, I think I can answer that. We were discussing the finer points of…ummm…the racier side of fan fiction. You know the erotic stories that people write?"

Joel walked up to the biobed where the two were sitting and commented, "Oh really?"

Q answered, "Yes my consciously challenged companion, we were discussing one of the little worlds one of you so called authors wrote entitled, 'The Voyorgy Conspiracy'. Even despite its propensity for engaging the crew in exploration of their sexuality you still wouldn't run into floating commas by just walking down the corridor like in your stories. I guess that world's author paid attention in English class."

Joel rolled his eyes and replied, "Yes Q, I get the picture. I need to brush up on my punctuation usage."

The doctor walked up beside Joel, and pushed a hypospray up to his neck. He said, "This won't hurt a bit."

Before Joel could argue or even ask what it was the doctor was giving him, the hypospray hissed burning his neck slightly where the injection went in. Joel rubbed his neck and asked the doctor who was now walking away from him, "What was that for?"

Before the doctor could respond, Q jumped up from the biobed to his feet, and explained, "Just a little something to help keep you up, before we continue with our little 'trek'. Unless of course, human, you would like to get 'up' in other ways." Q momentarily looked down towards Joel's abdomen and groin and added, "I could take you to visit the world of 'The Voyorgy Conspiracy' if you are interested?"

Johanna was smiling at Joel as she stepped down off of the bed. Looking at her, Joel nervously replied, "That won't be necessary, Q."

Q's lips curled down in overly acted disappointment as he responded, "Pity. I would like to have shown you that even in the worst of taste, good fiction can be written. But if poorly written prose is still your forte` then by all means, let us depart." Q snapped his finger up into the air and in a flash they were standing on the bridge of a starship that Joel had never encountered before. There were several people stationed on the bridge and they seemed to be busy as if getting ready for combat. Joel asked, "Can they hear us, Q?"

"I can make it so they can if you so desire it, Joel." Q answered.

Unsure of the situation that they were now in, and who exactly they were dealing with, Joel responded, "No, not yet. Where exactly are we?"

Nix spoke up, "I think I know where we are."

"The female appears to have one up on you, human." Q sneered.

Nix walked around the bridge stations till she was standing next to the captain's chair and the man who was sitting in it. She turned to Q and said, "Hey Q, make it so they can see and hear us."

Joel looked to Johanna and warned, "I don't think that is such a great idea, Nix."

Nix looked back down at the man sitting in the captain's chair, smiled, and said, "Just do it, Q."

"As you wish.", Q smiled back as he snapped his finger making the world flash over for a second.

The man in the captain's chair jumped up and pulled a hand phaser from a holster that he was wearing. He stepped back a step from Nix, keeping the hand phaser trained on her. "Exactly who the hell are you, and what are you doing on my bridge?", the man asked.

"NixNivis." She said extending her hand in greeting. He looked at it and didn't return the greeting. He instead tuned the phaser to its highest setting and sharpened his aim on her. She continued, "And you must be Captain Bloodthirsty, I presume?"

"Captain who?" he shook his head and asked.

"Captain Bloodthirsty? Oh my god, we are in 'Star Trek: Pirate'! Joel spoke up, and that is when Captain Bloodthirsty noticed him, drew a second phaser with his free hand, and trained it upon Joel. "Take it easy captain." Joel nervously responded, raising his hands into the air.

"Care for another cup of coffee, mon cap-i-tan? Or do you think that ten is enough to get those nerves of steel of yours on edge?"

"Shut up Q! And you will address me as Captain Mc'her onboard my ship!" Mc'her snapped.

Q threw his head back and shook it, bringing it back once again to bear upon Captain Mc'her, "Oh really captain. Come now, you should have taken starfleet medical's advice and kept up with the anti-psychotics. Now look at you, you drink a cup of coffee and decide that it is time to kill off your entire crew!" Q wryly added, "Talk about a break down in the chain of command."

"I don't have time for your shit right now, Q. Just take your little friends and get off of my ship. Because if you are still here by the time I get done with the matters I have at hand, I will personally vaporize you all dead with my phaser."

"As opposed to vaporizing us all live, I suppose." Q commented.

Captain Mc'her snarled and re-holstered his weapons.

Joel motioned and spoke silently with his lips for Johanna to 'get the hell back here with the rest of us'. Nix rolled her eyes, shook her head, and then casually strolled back to the back of the bridge where Q and Joel were standing.

Joel turned to Q and asked, "Can we get the hell out of here now?"

"But we're just getting to the best part!" Q exclaimed, adding, "Besides, there is something I want to show by all of this."

"We're three minutes out. Tomson; Calisto get to the bridge Jenkins and Hawfa get to transporter room three. Prepare to board the ship. Computer: Red Alert," Mc'her barked out. The ship's klaxon sounded and the red alert signal lights flashed.

"What are you trying to show by all of this, Q?" Nix asked.

Q turned to her and replied, "Shhhhhh…Just be quiet listen and watch what they are doing. Or should I say what they're not doing, rather?"

"Aye, sir," said in unison four voices of the officers that Mc'her had called out to over the com.

"Wow, that was like hearing the space pirate's glee club singing there." Nix piped up.

Q looked up at her and motioned with his index finger in front of his lips for her to be quiet. Just then Calisto and Tomson came bolting out of the turbolift and quickly assumed their respective stations.

"Calisto, how strong is the shielding on those federation fighters?" Mc'her asked sitting motionless.

"Not very good sir," Calisto responded with his hands at his sides 

"So 1 quantum should rip through the shields and hull?" Mc'her asked.

"Most likely sir." He responded idly setting at his station.

"Load one just for the fighter. I don't want to reveal are identity until we have to use phasers." The captain replied without moving a muscle. The cloaking device couldn't operate when phasers were fired, only torpedoes. 

Calisto followed the orders silently. They dropped out of warp and engaged the cloaking device. "Loading torpedoes captain," Calisto said. 

"Phasers charged and ready, points and arrays," Tomson said, setting motionless at his station. 

"Here they come, locking on to fighter, wait, there's two! Calisto said without moving so much as a finger. 

Joel looked over to Q and groaned, "Is there a point to all of this, Q?"

As the battle raged on before them Q shook his head and with sarcasm asked, "Didn't you see it, human?"

Nix excitedly replied, "I did!"

"Me thinks she is starting to out pace you as a careful observer, Joel" Q commented.

"What did you see, Nix?" Joel asked as he looked past Q and to her face.

Nix smiled triumphantly as she answered, "Both Calisto and Tomson were doing the same job. They were both running weapons, and in serious fan fic only one of them would have been running tactical."

Q took his head into his hand and shook his head; "Sometimes I don't know why I bother." He looked back up and explained, "While you are right about that little technicality you are still so very wrong, wrong, wrong. Let me start this over so you can see what I mean." Q snapped his fingers and the world flashed over again. Calisto and Tomson were not at their stations. However, the captain was still seated in his chair.

"What, you're going to do an instant replay?" Joel asked.

"Very observant, mortal. Now try to pay attention, and this time I've muted the sound so you can concentrate on what I am trying to show you."

Q was right they couldn't hear the captain speaking at all. Nix walked down before him and was watching him command out orders. A few seconds later Calisto and Tomson entered the bridge via the turbolift and assumed their stations exactly as they had before. Captain Mc'her barked out orders and asked questions silently exactly as he had before, and Calisto and Tomson responded silently as they had before.

That is when Joel noticed it.

Joel turned to Q and said, "They aren't moving."

"So you think you've got it all figured out?" Q asked.

"Huh?" Nix added in confusion as she walked back to Q and Joel.

Joel laughed, "They aren't moving. With the exception of when Calisto and Tomson came into the room and sat down, they haven't moved so much as a single finger to touch or view the controls. Furthermore they haven't so much as scowled, frowned or smiled. I mean it's almost as if they are paralyzed during this skirmish, unable to move their bodies."

"Bravo, Joel! I knew your mind would lead you to the solution. Of course I did give you enough clues."

Nix looked at Q and asked, "So why aren't they moving?"

"Because their author didn't see fit to allow them to move." Q explained stepping out of the way as the bridge crew made their way to the turbolift. "I mean how are they supposed to be fighting a battle with that poor defenseless freighter out there if they don't even take time to work the controls?" The bridge crew disappeared behind the closing doors of the turbolift.

Nix giggled and answered with a smile, "Psychokenesis?"

Joel shook his head and responded, "I don't think so, Nix." He looked at her and explained, "If the author had meant for the crew to all have had telekinetic powers then he would have mentioned it before now. I think that Q is right and this is just another case of an author getting so caught up in the action of the dialogue that they forget the blocking of their characters."

"Precisely!" Q smiled and exclaimed. He walked down to the captain's chair.

"Blocking?" Nix asked.

Joel explained, "Blocking is a term used on the stage. In theatre blocking is what the actors are doing during their lines. It is the actions they perform while acting. In writing, blocking means the exact same thing."

He let himself slide down into the captain's chair as he explained, "Exactly and you would be surprised how many writers fail to have their characters performing any actions while they are talking. Do you people have any idea how much we characters hate that? And besides it can leave the reader lost, not knowing what the characters are up to. I mean that is half the fun of reading, to not only know what your characters are saying, but how they are saying it and what they are doing while they are saying it."

Joel walked down to the conn station and sat down. Nix followed, however, she turned to the tactical station to find her seat. Sitting down, she looked at Q and said, "I don't think I could do that to my characters. It would be to mean."

Joel raised his eyebrows, looked to Nix, and said with a sigh, "Actually Nix you do have a tendency to do it sometimes."

Q stood up and extended his arms out towards both of them, "Come now, every author has a tendency to do it at one time or another. It's just a question of if they learn how to grow out of that stage of their writing." He walked over to Joel, looked down to him and commented, "I mean, I could take us to the first novel length story you ever wrote, Joel." 

He began to bring his finger up to snap it when Joel rushed to blurt out, "No that won't be necessary!"

Nix grinned, and asked, "A skeleton in your closet, Joel?"

Joel took a deep breath, frowned, and replied, "No, it's just I was only fifteen when I wrote it. It's not the best fiction in the world, and generally it is not something that I want shown to anyone."

Nix stood up, walked over to Joel, placed a hand on his shoulder, and responded, "Cheer up, we all have one of those hidden in our drawers or file folder somewhere."

Joel smiled and replied as she withdrew her kind hand, "I guess you are right. I just wish that I had someone that would have pointed out to me common mistakes for beginning writers to make."

Q looked at Joel and replied, "Well maybe you should use your skills as a writer to write something to do just that for all the other burgeoning writers out there."

Nix looked at Q and laughed, "Yeah right! Like he could find the time. It's hard enough to prod him into posting updates for his stories as it is."

Joel stood up and commented, "Well maybe someday, Q, if I can find the time."

Nix looked towards the turbolift and asked, "So where did Captain Bloodthirsty and company run off to?"

Q glanced back at the turbolift and said, "Oh there just over raiding the freighter right now, leaving a trail of carnage in their wake. The usual for this story line, Kill first and remember there is a plot later."

Joel began to walk towards the turbolift.

Nix spouted off, "And where do you think you are going?"

Joel turned back around and replied, "I was going to go to the transporter room. I mean you do think we should follow them don't you?"

Nix looked to Q and asked, "Do you think its safe?"

Q casually responded, "Probably not. They are over there now throwing photon grenades about the decks."

"Photon Grenades?" Nix asked.

Joel walked back to Q and Nix and responded, "Nix hasn't been following the 'Pirate' story line. She doesn't know about the photon grenades."

"So what in the heck is a photon grenade?" Nix impatiently asked.

"It's a little device Ensign Mary Sue keeps in her purse." Q grinned.

Joel chuckled as he watched the look of confusion on Nix's face. He knew that he had better explain. "Mary Sue or her brother Marty Stu is a generic term used in fiction writing to describe a character that is too perfect. Usually the character is a reflection of what the author personifies their own ego to be, and as a result usually has no flaws whatsoever. I mean just imagine the prom queen, but give her the mental prowess of the class valedictorian and multiply it all by about a factor of ten. That is a Mary Sue. She is the one who has all the answers and comes up with miracle solutions to problems with no explanations of how she came about them at all."

Nix was beginning to understand, "So if this photon grenade is something that she would carry, I take it that it is a device that is just too good to be true?"

"Bravo, my beautiful. You have aspired to learn." Q smiled.

Joel continued to explain, "I was once like that as well. I didn't believe that my characters should have flaws, and I was all the time introducing miracle devices that saved the day that had no logical explanation of where they came from. As a result my characters were very boring. It wasn't until I realized that all good fiction included characters that weren't perfect did I start writing good fiction."

"That's a matter of opinion." Q commented.

Joel looked to Q puzzled and defended, "No it's true. I was once like that, and really did include lots of Mary Sue-ish items and characters in my plots."

"Of that I didn't have a doubt in my mind." Q smiled. His smile quickly turned into a smirk, "I was referring to your overly optimistic auto-judgement of the quality of your fiction."

Joel flashed Q a sour look as Nix spoke up, "So does anything else exciting happen in this chapter?"

Q walked back to the captain's chair and sat down. "Well…" he began as he clasped his hands behind his head and leaned back. He looked at Joel and continued with a smirk, "They do kill all of the crew of the freighter, save a single lone survivor."

Nix walked over to the captain's chair and asked Q, "What happens to her?"

Q turned his attention to Nix. "Well they deftly convert her over to their side and make her a member of their bloodthirsty and zany crew. Not much of an addition if you ask me." Q replied. He focused back over to Joel and grinned, "Just a run of the mill cloned knock-off of character that is exactly identical from her name down to her perfect little toe nails of another Mary Sue I know from another story. Now what was her name…ah yes it's…"

Joel shook his head and cut him off, "Nancy is not a Mary Sue! She has depth…she…she has character…she has…"

Q returned the favor and cut Joel's stammering off, "…the skin and the bosom's of a goddess, the libido of an Orion slave girl, and engineering skills that would make Scotty harder than Jim Kirk in a lesbian nudist colony! Face it, Joel, your Nancy is so very much a Mary Sue, that she was destined to be cut and pasted into someone else's story line sooner or later."

Joel's face was beginning to flush with anger from the criticism of Nancy. The final straw came when Nix looked at him and cautiously commented, "Well to tell you the truth, Joel, in the first three chapters she did seem that way."

Joel threw back his head towards the ceiling, bared his teeth, and growled, "Enough!" He looked back down and tried to regain some composure. Darting his if-looks-could-kill gaze between Q and Nix, he defended, "She swears too damn much, she gets violent, she comes from a dysfunctional family, and to top it all off I got her knocked up in chapter six! I mean who could find all that attractive?"

Q didn't pause for a second as he shook his head and replied, "A Arkansas born, masochistic, drunken French sailor on shore leave?"

Nix couldn't help it, she collapsed to the floor on her knees laughing and holding her stomach. Joel looked dumbfounded as he softly said, "That's not funny." It only took him a few seconds before he was leaning over the conn laughing his lungs out as well.

After a few minutes of the involuntary diaphragm spasms, Nix and Joel regained their composure and found themselves seated again in the conn and tactical stations. Nix was the first to speak, "So besides the introduction and indoctrination of the clone of Joel's dream woman, what else happens in this chapter?"

"She's not my dream woman, Nix." Joel responded.

Nix winked and didn't miss the opportunity, "I'll bet you'd say that to her in order to piss her off and get her to spank you harder!"

Joel grinned and shook his head.

Q smiled and continued with his play by play of the chapter's events, "Well they beam back over to this ship, and beam all the cargo back over here as well. Captain Bloodthirsty, staying true to his reputation of bringing fear into the hearts of helpless freighters, orders the destruction of the freighter. The newly enlisted Mary Sue…sorry…Nancy, gets the chief engineer's job, and oh yes…" Q leaned forward and continued, "It turns out that our dear Captain Bloodthirsty isn't the real captain blood thirsty at all! And as if in some twisted, violent Twenty-fifth century scooby-doo episode, the real one boards the ship, kills, and pulls off the mask of the imposter to reveal a klingon imposter!"

Joel gave off his best crotchety old man impression, "And he would have gotten away with it to, if it hadn't been for those darn pirate kids of the U.S.S. Guardian!"

Nix looked at Joel as if he was insane and then turned her attention back to Q. She said, "Wow, that sounds like quite the plot development! That would make for an interesting turn in the story."

"Wouldn't it though?" Q responded. He sat back in the captain's chair and explained, "Too bad the author didn't see fit to follow up on this Klingon development the subsequent chapters. I'm afraid the last we ever hear of the klingon conspiracy is Captain Bloodthirsty saying, 'I still don't know why he did it'."

"Damn typical." A woman's voice came from around the back of the bridge towards the turbolift. Her voice sent chills down Joel's spine. He knew that voice before he even looked. They all turned to see Nancy walking towards them all. She was Joel's Nancy, the one from his story line of Star Trek: Privateer. As she drew closer to them all she said, "Just like a man to peek your interest, build you up, and then not deliver." She walked up to the con and glared down at Joel and growled at him, "And speaking of things not being delivered, you bastard, you and I need to have a talk about my baby!"

* End Chapter Two * 

Holy mother of Mary Sue! Nancy's hormones are in full maternal flux!

Will Joel survive until the next episode? Or will the wrath of Nancy rain down upon him? Will Nancy ever get the answer to the question of which came first the captain or the Klingon? And just where in the heck is that Kool-Aid anyway? Tune in for the next installment because this story is…

To be continued…

P.S.—the I would love any questions or comments that you all have for me you can either post them on the review page or email them to me at: mojo@iowatelecom.net


	3. Chapter Three

DISCLAIMER:  
  
"Star Trek" and all associated names and characters, with the exceptions of the ones created by myself for this story, are © Paramount. I am a fan of Gene Roddenberry's dream and just wish to keep it alive so that tomorrow's youth may gain by it as I have. This is fan fiction; there is no infringement of copyright intended with this story, nor have I written it for personal financial gain. So relax, engage at full warp and enjoy!

(Please note before reading—If you didn't read the note at the beginning of chapter one…You just missed the best note ever! And don't bother going back to read it now…I can change it before you are able to hit your back button. Really, I am watching you right through the screen. Put down that Jell-O! I would also like to thank Tom Hudspeth for his invitation for me to have some fun with the current fic that he is writing. I have just read his first chapter of the story 'the Adventure Continues…' and I have to tell you I like the story line and ideas that he is trying to put forth. I can see why he has an avid readership! Just remember the little fanfic world crashers of mine wouldn't go into any work they didn't care about. The person that is writing about me writing about them talking about writing wouldn't allow it to happen. So Tom, I hope you will take the points the characters make within this chapter with a light heart. I mean it's not like any of them get paid to write professionally or anything, they are just character's in a story themselves for crying out loud. Anyway I hope you all enjoy this latest installment of this escapade…. Hey Tom feel free to email me and let me know what you think….(Just be sure to identify yourself in the email as tom so I know it's you!)…and to everyone else please email me and let me know what you think…my recycle bin has been empty for so long because I don't make mistakes that deserve to go in there, and I am sure I can find a place for your emails!….*sound of ball bat cracking on mojo2722's head*….Nancy here, and if you all don't want to listen to that jerk weed, mojo recite these long assed front notes anymore….just let me know and I will break his wrists so he can't type!….anyway enjoy the story…and oh yeah….I promise I don't do anything immoral or un-lady like in this chapter!) 

The Q Who Walks Through Walls

By

Mojo2722

Chapter Three: Space Herpes are without honor!

"This should be one for the starfleet medical journals." The doctor commented as he set the dermal regenerator back down on his stand. Joel was on his hands and knees on the biobed with his pants pulled down. He quickly sat up got off of the bed and pulled his blue jeans back up. The doctor picked up a padd and began to type some notes into it, "I do not believe that that a magnaspanner has ever been used for rectal stimulation before. Its removal was shall we say…a unique experience for me. I will have to note the procedure in my logs and send a copy of them to Starfleet Medical. However, I would suggest the use of a internal use lubricant crème the next time you choose to engage in this sort of activity."

His posterior still aching from its uninvited violation, Joel replied, "I didn't choose to have that thing reaming me. Nancy was pissed, and I guess she reacted with her usual tact and diplomacy. I am going to have to tone her down a bit. Maybe I can write in a puppy dog or nice little kitten for her to have as a pet and show loving affection to. I mean I really should work on developing her softer side."

Q casually walked over to Joel and cautioned, "Careful, my budding Stienbeck, the reader already has a perception of how she reacts in their minds. It would be unfair of you to cheat the reader by changing her personality drastically at this point in the story."

Joel finished buttoning his jeans, "And why would that be such a bad thing, Q?"

"It's blindingly simple enough but yet so often you young writers miss it entirely. When the reader gets a sense of how a character reacts to situations, they will come to expect the character not to act inconsistent with what the author has shown about them." Q smirked.

Joel shook his head, "This time I don't buy it, Q. I mean that is what stories are about. They are about how characters grow and change as the events around them affect them."

Q innocently shook his head and then grinned, "If you'd really like to delude yourself into thinking that, then by all means do. I'm sure your stories will be oh so interesting to read."

Joel sighed, "Then enlighten me, Q. Why is it that character shouldn't exhibit growth and change?"

"I didn't say that they shouldn't exhibit growth and change, mortal. What I am talking about is more subtle then that. In good fiction the character's don't just change the way they react to other characters simply because the author decides to write them in something to pet. In good fiction the author explores the reason that a character reacts the way that they do. They show the reader the reason for their actions and reactions. For instance in this little fantasy world that you call Star Trek: Privateer, your character of Nancy seems to like to react violently towards people that let her down or upset her. Why?"

Joel blankly stared forward for a moment in thought, "I guess it's because she has had a crappy life."

Q turned away and strolled over to the doctor, who was now on the other side of the room, "But you never mentioned that she has had a less than perfect upbringing in the story."

Joel thought even harder, "Well yeah you are right, I guess I never really did make mention that she had that bad of a time growing up. So how did the readers get the insight into her background and into the reason she acts the way she does, if I didn't tell them? I mean I have had reader's emailing me letting me know that the more I write about her the more they are getting into who she is."

"Simply put, you eluded to it. You didn't have to directly say that she and her mother had problems. You showed the reader that. You didn't have to say that something had happened in her past to change the way she felt about her mother. You showed the reader that, by having Captain Keating viewing the video file in her ready room. You didn't have to directly say that Nancy has a problem with men probably because of the fact that her father is no longer around. You showed that to the reader by eluding to the fact that her mother was getting remarried and emphasizing that she loved him so much as a child. Let me ask you this: Did you start to get the email regarding the reader interest in the Nancy character before or after you wrote in all of the background info about her?"

"It was after." Joel smiled.

Q grinned back, "So don't you see? Your readers don't want characters that change who they are simply because they should become nice heroes for the story in the end. They want you to explain to them why the character acts the way that they do. It makes them wonder and look forward to try and figure out what motivates the character."

"But in books that I have read the characters seem to change and grow for the better. I'm afraid I still don't quite follow where you are going with this, Q" Joel said looking slightly confused. He followed Q over to the doctor whom was still composing an essay on the removal of the engineering tool from Joel's rectum.

"As I said, It's blindingly simple, human. The characters in the books you have read don't actually change what makes them who they are. Instead quite the opposite is true. They discover facets of their own identity during the course of the story that they didn't know existed before. Just as in reality, where people seldom change who they are at the drop of a hat, neither should your characters in the fiction you write. They should be enlightened throughout the body of your plot by factors of their personalities that they never knew existed until they reach the point that they have an epiphany and realize who they thought they were they really aren't. Character change seldom happens in good fiction; realization of self almost always does."

"So you are saying that Nancy should remain a mean and violent person?" Joel asked.

"What makes you so sure she is a mean and violent person? I mean a person can display a tough façade to those they interact with yet still have compassion or nobleness in their heart. Just look at that overly stereotypical Klingon, Worf. The writer's of the Next Generation and of Deep Space Nine took great pleasure in showing us just how gruff the old Klingon could be, however, the also took the time to plot in a backstory that explains why he acts the ways he does. I mean if Worf just acted like a big mean Klingon without the explanation of why he acts the way he does, he would have no depth. He would come across to the reader or viewer as nothing more than a cartoon, a rough caricature of a person, and not as the goatee'd giant we have all come to adore."

Joel looked a little less confused, "So you are saying that Nancy's character is starting to develop depth, and therefore a certain amount of adoration in the reader's mind even though she reacts the way that a typical 'villain' would do. So I should not try to change her, but instead try to explore the full range of her character and show the reader why she is the way she is."

Q responded with his usual and annoying look of sarcasm, "And I didn't think you had what it took to come to realize that her character is starting to be and could become so much more. Bravo, Joel!"

"Speaking of Nancy, where did she and Nix get off to?" Joel asked trying to look over the doctor's shoulder to see exactly what information he was planning on sending back to starfleet medical.

"Oh they decided to go ahead of us, Nancy needed to calm down, and Nix wanted to get to know her a little better. If you ask me she is just trying to probe her for insight as to what chapter nine of Star Trek: Privateer is all about." Q looked down towards Joel's posterior, looked him back in the eye, and grinned, "But Now that you are less…stuck up…shall we run along and join them?"

Joel shot back a scowl at Q, "Ha, ha. I'm ready whenever you are, Q."

"Well if we're all ready then." Q said looking at the doctor and Joel preparing to snap his finger into the air.

The doctor looked up from his data padd and asked, "All ready then? I can't go anywhere, I'm a doctor not a day-tripper. Besides if I were to leave the confines of sickbay I would dissolve and vanish as my matrix lost its cohesion."

Joel laughed, "He's right. The EMH in Privateer, that is to say the doctor of this reality isn't equipped with a mobile emitter. I wasn't writing Voyager fanfiction so I didn't see the need of giving him one. It seemed to Marty Stu-ish to me to let him have one."

Q held out his up turned palm towards the doctor and a mobile holographic emitter flashed into reality upon it, "Well I think for the purposes of our little sojourn, we can make an exception for just this chapter." He grasped the mobile emitter between his thumb and forefinger and offered it to the doctor, "You are familiar with its operation aren't you, doctor?"

The doctor reluctantly grasped the mobile emitter with his free hand letting his data padd rest against his side with the other, "I've read the medical reports about the Voyager EMH and his use of this device." The doctor walked over to a biobed, set the padd down, and proceeded to attach and activate the mobile emitter.

Joel expressed a puzzled look, "Where are we going that we are going to need to bring a doctor with us?"

Q looked back to Joel as if surprised by his question, "To starbase 410. And haven't you heard? They're under medical quarantine." With that Q snapped his fingers and the three of them found themselves standing in a grand stone block chamber that was dimly lit by flickering torches, but more importantly the three of them were not alone. A lone human male was engaged in a battle with several Klingon warriors. They must not have been able to detect their arrival for they didn't react. They just kept on fighting.

Joel looked confused; "This is starbase 410?"

Q watched the bat'leth carnage that was playing out before them, "Well this is a chamber in the Main Temple of Kahless on Qo'nos, or at least close enough of a representation of it for our dear Lieutenant Commander Brian Starr over there. This is one of the countless holodecks on starbase 410 in the story 'The Adventure Continues….'." Q pointed a single finger at the human male, whom had just decapitated one of the attacking Klingons.

"Oh I get it this is a holodeck." Joel replied.

The doctor cringed at the site of the human landing a deadly slash to another of the Klingons' back and severing his spinal cord, "I never have understood the human fascination with this recreation. It almost seems morbid to want to kill another life form, even if it is holographic in nature."

The fight came to a dead stop. The Klingons dropped their bat'leths to their sides, and the human just stood there as if in a dazed trance. Several seconds went by in silence, and then the carnage resumed just as quickly as it began.

Joel blinked his eyes in disbelief, "What the heck?"

"Just watch human, you might just learn something here." Q grinned.

The Lieutenant Commander blocked a bat'leth blow from an oncoming attack and proceeded to swing his bat'leth across the Klingon's stomach, letting his intestines spill out onto the cold stone chamber floor. He almost immediately speared another advancing Klingon in the stomach. Then he and the Klingons stopped again, motionless in a daze. This time they stood motionless like statues for what seemed like a minute before they reanimated and continued with the fray. Two Klingons rushed him simultaneously and he swiftly stepped to the side and penetrated the heart of one with his blade, and immediately swung around to the other taking his head clean off. Then the human and the remaining Klingons came to an eerie standstill yet again, it was almost as if time had stopped for them all. After about thirty more seconds the fighting resumed as a voice called out over the com, "T'Pina to Commander Starr."

The human seemed to lose his concentration and it was the best he could do to fend off several bat'leth blows. He finally failed and one blow got through to his leg. He looked down to view the damage and then suddenly back up in time to see a bat'leth screaming down upon him. He yelled out, "Computer! Freeze program!"

All the action of the holodeck instantly froze in place, while the Lieutenant Commander proceeded to commence in a short conversation with the person at the other end of the com. The human ended his conversation and rushed for the door of the holodeck commanding the computer to end program as he departed. As the doors to the holodeck closed shut behind him, the reality of the Klingon hall and all its holographic combatants dissolved away to reveal the grid pattern of the holo-emitters in the large cubicle room.

Joel looked at Q not fully understanding what he had just witnessed, "Okay the Klingon battle program I can understand, some people like to work out to that sort of thing. But what the heck was up with all the times everybody just stood silently like they were the Queen's Guard?"

"Elementary my dear human, They stopped their action in that scene because the author wrote it that way." Q smiled. He materialized a bat'leth and began to swing it through the air is if in mock tribulation to the battle they had just witnessed.

The doctor commented, "I've heard of case studies where combatants will freeze up in the midst of combat do to abnormal neurological conditions. However I am at a loss to explain the repetition and wide spread effect that we seemed to have just witnessed."

Joel ducked from a playful swing of Q's bat'leth, "I think that the doc, is right. I mean I can't see any plot point that it served to have them stop the action like that."

Q's red command uniform flashed away and was replaced with klingon battle dress as he still wielded the klingon blade, "That's why I like you, Human, you're very observant. The pauses didn't serve to help the plot at all in fact they worked to detract from it. You see the author of this story did the very common mistake of putting flashbacks in the one place they should never be. He wrote them into an action scene."

"Well I can see that Verne, Bradbury, or even Asimov must not have wrote this story." The doctor groaned.

"You are quite correct, my photonic physician!" Q grinned as he recreated the dreary Klingon chamber around them. "This little number was created by another one of you fanfic authors that has way to much free time on your hands. Tom Hudspeth I believe is the non de plume of this little world creator."

Joel shook his head and touched a nervous hand to his brow shielding his eyes, "Oh boy, I was suppose to put in a review of Tom's story, but to tell you the truth I just haven't had the time. I mean between writing Star Trek: Privateer and agreeing to come with you on this little escapade it has just totally slipped my mind."

Twirling the bat'leth above his head, Q offered, "Well then, Joel, Why don't you mention what I've just shown to you in a review to him of chapter one of the adventure continues? I mean showing authors that it is a very bad thing to put flashbacks into an action scene seems to be the humanitarian thing that you are prone to doing by your brutal reviews."

Joel sat down on a nearby stone altar; "Well for starters I don't think that I am brutal in my reviews of fellow fanfic writers. Secondly I agree that by putting flashbacks into an action scene do slow the scene down and make the action seem too choppy for it being an action scene. I mean it always leaves the reader wondering what the heck is going on, and forces them to have to retrace where they left the character at before the flashback occurred. It just ruins the flow of the story. However, since I have not really read the story I am unsure of how I would fix it. Therefore, I don't think I will mention it to him since I am unsure of how to fix it. 'Can't fix it? Don't bitch about it.'…That is my motto."

"I think I might have a suggestion." The doctor stepped forward to Joel.

"It thinks it might have a suggestion!" Q mocked the doctor.

Joel gave a glare at Q and then looked back to the doctor, "How would you have a suggestion? I mean you're a generic Starfleet EMH. You haven't had time for pursuing outside studies or interests like the doctor onboard Voyager with his singing opera and such."

"You are forgetting about my backstory. You see you will be writing about how I was activated for an extended duration in the absence of a primary ship's physician during the Hydra's time of active duty with the Federation. During the course of my extended activation I developed a passion for the written word, and wrote more than a few novels of my own, before the ship was decommissioned."

"And just how would you know all that? I mean I haven't written let alone thought about anything like that! I mean I thought I was the author and that I was creating the reality you are in?" Joel spouted off.

The doctor shook his head slightly, "You are. I wouldn't disagree with you there. You are the writer of the Privateer story line."

Joel stood up, "Then just how in the heck would you know what I am going to be writing about you in the future?"

The doctor raised an eyebrow, "Considering Q's postulate about reality and fiction, just what makes you think that I haven't been talking with the author who is writing about you?"

Joel sat back down, stunned by the metaphysical implications that the EMH was presenting with that one reply. He sheepishly submitted, "Okay point taken. So what exactly is your idea to fix this scene of Tom's story?"

The EMH turned to Q and grinned, "Q I will be needing you to play the part of the human Lieutenant Commander that we just witnessed on the holodeck. Computer, is the simulation of the Klingon bat'leth calisthenics program that has just been ran currently loaded?"

"Program loaded, awaiting specification of number of opponents desired." The computer droned.

The doctor looked to Q. Q firmed up his grip on the bronze shaded bat'leth with both hands, "I would be offended by any less than a baker's dozen, hologram."

"Computer, set number of opponents at eighteen." The doctor commanded. A myriad of Klingon warriors armed with bat'leths materialized randomly about the room in unison. The doctor stepped back and set down beside Joel on the stone altar. "Q if you would be so kind to 'invite' our tenacious female engineer here, scan my matrix for what I have in mind to fix the scene, and apprise her of it before she arrives I would be most grateful."

Q grinned and snapped his finger in the air, "With pleasure!"

Nancy materialized decked out in full Klingon battle garb complete with bat'leth at Q's side. She looked at Q, then to the doctor, and finally glared at Joel, "Q…doctor...dickhead."

Joel nervously waved with his fingers, "Hello, Nancy."

She growled and swung her bat'leth over her head, ready to charge him and strike. Q put an arm out to block her, "Let's save it for the Klingons, dear."

She lowered her bat'leth and gripped it with both hands firmly. She crouched into a battle ready stance, "Let's just get this party started and finished with. Nix and I were discussing a plot synopsis for a collaboration effort of a writing project we have entitled, 'Mojo Gets Castrated', and I am eager get back to discuss the last chapter with her!"

The doctor turned to Joel; "She's not a very big fan of yours."

Q smugly commented, "That's what happens when you get the ladies pregnant and then make them lose their child. Guess you should be more careful what you write, human."

The doctor looked back to the pair standing in the midst of the Klingon warriors, "Well then, let's see my rendition of what I would have done to have fixed the problem with having flashbacks in the middle of the action sequence to Tom Hudspeth's first chapter. Computer begin program."

Q deflected the incoming Bat'leth with his sword and spun on the ball of his foot, executing a perfect draw cut to the left across the Klingon's belly. A single word, a simple representation of action flowed through his mind: _Reaping wheat_. As the Klingon doubled over, Q chopped down through his neck, decapitating him. A lesson that he remembered vividly: _Splitting wood_. Q scarcely paused, one enemy down, as he confronted the next onrushing alien. This one foolishly held his Bat'leth above his head for a downward cut. At the last second, Q sidestepped his foe and delivered a cut across his back, severing the Klingon's spinal cord. The mantra like thought of the state of 'one' rushed through his mind with the metaphor of his action: _Beating rug_. On came the next attacker.

Nancy was busy deflecting Klingon bat'leth blows, "So tell me, Q, to you think that I will be able to reach this state of 'one' that you preach to me all the time about? Or do you think that my off-worlder mind wouldn't be able to comprehend your Avalon warrior mysticism?" 

In a small portion of Brian Starr's mind, he sensed the next Klingon's attack, figured out the probable tactic the enemy would use, and came up with a way to counter it to deliver a killing blow. His analysis was completed, and the proper actions put into motion, without conscious thought. The attacking Klingon fell to his feet, a pool of blood spreading out from beneath his still hot corpse. He managed a parry of the next Klingons attack with his bat'leth, "My people have taken centuries of spiritual development to attain perfection in the combat form of 'one'. Besides when I have shown you enough of the technique for you to attain enlightenment you will know the 'one'. For to the person who has attained 'one', instead of rushing like the waters of the river, time will slow like the still waters of the lake." 

Nancy was fighting back to back with Q at this point, and was doing her best to keep up pace with him. She couldn't believe that this workout was a normal part of his daily routine. She blocked and incoming bat'leth strike and countered by lodging her own blade deep into the Klingon warrior's shoulder, crushing though bone and sending him incapacitated to the ground. She barely managed to pull her blade free; "You almost make it sound totally alien to human influence. To my understanding your home world of Avalon was an earth colony that had been settled by people who revered the ancient chivalric codes and feudal society of old medieval Europe."

"Your studies of my people, honors me, Nancy. I can see that you have been taking my offer to train you seriously." Q said taking a swing at an advancing Klingon and depriving the warrior of his hands, letting them fall to the ground still clutching the bat'leth. He quickly dispatched the wounded Klingon, "The men, if born into the nobility, are trained from an early age in the discipline of the 'one' to fight. They are quick to know the lessons of protecting women and the weak."

Nancy ducked and dodged, having barely missed having her head taken off by the swing of an enemy's bat'leth, "So you are of Avalon's noble families?"

Q took a mighty overhead swing of his bat'leth bringing it down upon a defending Klingon's blade, shattering through it like it were only made of glass. He nearly instantly brought the bat'leth on a reverse course upwards, incising a gash upwards from the Klingon's abdomen to his neck. The Klingon fell backwards cursing, "Jey!" Q knew the word well and tried never to succumb to its cry, defeat. He readied himself for the next attacker; "My brothers and I had been schooled in the ways of courtly manners, treating women as delicate beings who might break if treated too roughly. The women of my father's household were taught to be submissive and proper ladies, with schooling limited to what they needed to know to run a household."

Q swung around with his bat'leth extended at the end of one arm above Nancy's head and cleaved off the upper half of the skull of a Klingon who was about to do her in with a death blow. The Klingon's momentum carried him forward onto Nancy and then to the floor at her feet. She took a deep breath, "Thank you, Q. And that reminds me, if all us women are such frail creatures why are you attempting to teach me how to attain 'one'? I mean your society seems to have an excellent theological development. Unfortunately, it sounds like while creating excellent fighters; the society has made itself prone to chauvinism, stoicism, and machismo, however. I mean no offense, Q, but sometimes it seems like you have no clue how to handle off-world women."

Q readied his bat'leth for the still oncoming waves of Klingon warriors, "You are different, Nancy, you do not posses the soul of a female, and that is why I feel I can teach you how to attain 'one'. It is important to know that while in the state of 'one' I cease being just a Lieutenant Commander in Starfleet. My body alters its physical state to match my soul. Inwardly I transform into my true self of an almost perfect killing machine, tireless, fearless, aware, my weapon is my body when I am in 'one'." A Klingon blinded by bloodlust and clumsily striking forward at him, first lost his arm, and then on the follow-up swing grazing the Klingon's throat, his life. The mental focus burned in his brain with one word for his action of depriving the Klingon of his life in that manner: _drawing water._

"You seem to do that easy enough, you must be in the state 'one' right now, Q." she grunted pushing a warrior back with their interlocked bat'leths

Q Twirled his bat'leth around with his wrists as if to challenge the Klingons who were facing him, waiting for the moment to pounce, "My instructor used to tell me to let my conscious thoughts go…that's why it was called the 'one'. I didn't understand him I thought that he meant for me to stop thinking and just act. It took many months of my failure for him to reveal to me that what I simply needed to do was to just let my mind relax and let it take me on a journey of discovery. You see Nancy, when you flow into 'one' your thoughts will trace the roots of your problems and open your mind up like a flower to new solutions. You will perceive the world with the eyes of an eagle, the courage of a lion and the wisdom of an Owl."

"I see." Nancy replied while ducking down and with a swing of her blade taking a Klingon to the floor by liberating him of the tendons that ran behind his knees. She quickly pierced the heart of the Klingon and dispatched him to Sto-Vo-Cor, "So you don't seem like your usual self is anything wrong?"

With a quickly matched slash and thrust he sent two more Klingons to follow the other fallen warriors into the afterlife. He explained, "While I am in the one I can still think in this state, in fact the clarity of thought that I attain is unequalled by any other I have experienced. However, right now my thoughts are unusually clouded." Q deflected another Bat'leth and drew his sword over his opponent's belly, this time to the right instead of the left. The mnemonic of death flashed like lighting in his mind: _sowing grain_. This put him within thrusting range of the next Klingon, just as he had planned. The Klingon raised up on the point of Q's outturned bat'leth and was thrown to the floor with life diminishing. One thought focused in Q's mind: _pitching hay_.

Readying herself for the next Klingon, Nancy asked, "Oh and what thoughts would be creeping into your mind?"

The Klingons were regrouping at the edges of the room. Tactical scenarios flashing through his mind he still found time to muse, "My thoughts are never clear when I think of Lt. Commander S'ena."

She took in a few deep breaths, grateful for the momentary lull in the combat, "Isn't she the green skinned Orion goddess whom you served with on the U.S.S. Judith A. Resnik some years ago when you were just a greenhorn fresh from Starfleet Academy? As I recall, Q, you always seem to abruptly leave when conversations about her start up. Did the potent powers of her Orion pheromone system overload you when you were serving with her? What's a matter, Q, does that warrior poet heart of yours leave you longing for a certain woman's touch?"

The several remaining Klingons started to advance upon them in an ever-tightening circle. Q gripped onto his bat'leth firmly with both hands, "She is half human as well. She was just my friend, she could have had any man aboard the Resnik, but she wouldn't have them. I find respect in my heart for her for doing that. Orion's are not known for their lack of promiscuity. I will never forget the day that we were both assigned to different starships."

Nancy readied her bat'leth, "So what distracts you enough to bring you away from being 'one' when thinking of her? I mean I hope that's not to personal, I know you are new to the 'Triangle' and to the Starbase, but so far I like what I see in you."

The Klingons were howling warrior's taunts to them both. Q centered himself and felt 'one' within his soul, "We had lost touch after we were assigned to different ships…first there was Wolf 359 and the Borg…then came the Dominion. I hadn't even know what had happened to her until I caught glimpse of those soft eyes disappearing into a crowd on the station's promenade earlier today."

The Klingon's were still coming, and the first of the group was arriving in a pair. His mind noted the disparity. Q faked towards one, stepped towards the other, thrust him in the heart twisting the blade around, the bliss of 'one' sounded: _gathering eggs_. The remaining Klingon of the advance pair, seeing an opening in Q's guard, leaped forward, only to die by Q's sword as he drew it out of the first Klingon, waited until the second Klingon was committed, stepped aside, and decapitated him. He caught a breath as the words flowed through his soul: _storing dishes_.

Nancy deflected the blows of an advancing Klingon, "So she's onboard the station right now? What are you doing here with me, you should be out trying to find her. I'm sure she would be more than delighted to reacquaint with you after all this time."

Q readied himself for the final Klingons who were rapidly approaching. Nancy's words seemed to echo in his head. Her suggestions and questions wouldn't leave his mind. He found his mind slipping into chaotic thoughts and memories about that smile he saw earlier and about those passionate eyes he had long since seen. The 'one' burst like a bubble. Suddenly time returned to normal with a vengeance. Klingon blows rained down around Q like a flood. Nancy had already been taken out of the engagement; she was on the floor behind him. It was all he could do to defend himself. First, one blow got through on his leg, then another on his side. As pain gripped him, his sword out of position, he looked up to see his deathblow.

"Computer! Freeze program!" Brian yelled.

A voice broke out over the com, "T'Pina to Commander Starr"

All movement in the holodeck stopped. Hoards of computer generated Klingons stood ready to kill or be killed. Many lay still as if dead already, which is what they would have been had they been real, instead of holographic images.

The doctor stood up and said, "That will be enough, computer. Discontinue program and exit."

The visage of all the Klingons and of the Klingon hall itself vanished in so many incoherent photons. The dark confines of the holodeck grid retook the room about them. Joel fell to the floor as the altar he was sitting on disappeared. "Owe! You could have warned me, doc." Joel piped up his butt still not fully recovered from its earlier intrusion by the magnaspanner.

The doctor wryly grinned, "Oh…I will have to remember that the next time you have me doubting my own proficiency at medicine and referring to Borg scientists for second opinions and assistance with patient treatment."

Joel picked himself off of the floor and asked, "Doesn't any of my character's from Privateer like me?"

Q helped Nancy up off of the floor turned to Joel and commented, "Don't ask that command hungry, dread pirate Roberts what he thinks about you, Joel. From what I hear he still has to use a bag of ice on his family jewels between chapters from where you had Nancy kneeing him."

Joel shook his head; "I don't know why I bother with writing sometimes."

The doctor smugly replied, "If you took a look at what I did for Tom's little scene dilemma just then, you might just gain some inspiration."

Joel hesitantly admitted, "It did seem to flow a little smoother. It didn't seem to bog down as much with the flashbacks eliminated. By showing the reader through the use of dialog between two crewmates, you conveyed the same information that the original scene did while keeping the pace lively."

Q twirled his bat'leth around and down to his side, "Personally, I just think that my prowess with the bat'leth made the scene all the more worth while. I mean my Q-ness made that scene shine!"

Nancy poked Q in the side lightly with her bat'leth, "Aren't you forgetting something? Or do I need to explain how great I am to you as well, continuum pig?"

Q grabbed hold of Nancy and drew her to him, "Is that an offer, mortal?"

Nancy's lips drew in closer to Q's she softly barked; "You'd like to think that! Wouldn't you?"

Q's grin and gaze intensified, "Maybe I indeed would, and as I recall, when I spent time as a powder in Joel's cupboards there was some macaroni and cheese in some boxes there with me. Care to discuss this over dinner at his place? I mean I hear he isn't there tonight. We could have the place all to ourselves to continue this discussion."

They were mere inches away from a full lip-locked docking when Nancy whispered, "Don't offer what you don't intend to deliver, Q. That is unless you want me to show you what I do to men that cross me."

Q snapped his fingers into the air and as the two of them disappeared in a flash of light Q replied, "I wouldn't dream of it."

Joel walked over to where Nancy and Q had been standing only moments earlier, "What the heck was that all about, and why didn't we leave with them?"

The doctor began to walk towards Joel, "I believe that we were witnessing the adrenal induced aftermath of an intense combat situation. It has been noted in the Starfleet Medical Journals that a heightened sense of sexual arousal can occur immediately following an intense combat encounter like the one we just recreated. And as far as why we did not go with them, some species prefer solitude when the actual act of copulation occurs. They find the presence of outside observation obtrusive, distracting, or even competitive. So in a sense of the words, Q has put out the 'do not disturb' sign."

Joel blinked in disbelief; "They are going to get it on in my apartment?"

The doctor looked back in disgust, "Well your underdeveloped vernacular aside, yes, it would seem that they are going to 'get it on' there shortly."

"I can't believe this!" Joel steamed. "Why is it that people feel the need to break into my apartment and have sex?"

The doctor assumed a quizzical expression, "You mean this has happened to you before?"

Joel shook his head, "It's a long story involving my ex-wife and her girlfriend, but yes it has happened to me before."

The doctor looked even more puzzled, "Ex-wife and her _girlfriend_?…and you are only writing Star Trek fanfiction exactly why?"

The familiar voice of NixNivis broke in over the com; "We all need to get off of this station now!"

"Hi Nix, and why exactly is that?" Joel asked looking up.

"Because I just now figured out that we are in chapter one of Tom Hudspeth's story 'the Adventure Continues…'."

Not having time to read the story yet Joel raised an eyebrow, "Why is that such a bad thing?"

"Well I have read this story, and this station is about to be quarantined because of an outbreak of Space Herpes!" she said expectantly.

Joel turned to the doctor confused, "Space Herpes, doc?"

The doctor thought for a moment and then responded, "The only reference to Space Herpes in the fictional Star Trek universe that you created, Joel, is to an obscure Klingon medical report. In it there is only a one line proverb on the subject."

Not even wanting to dream why he would ever try to include something called Space Herpes in a fictional world he would create, Joel asked, "So what does that one line say."

The doctor replied, "The Klingon proverb reads: Space Herpes are without honor!"

"I'd rather not stick around for chapter two." Nix explained. She continued, "If it's okay with you all I would just like to get out of here now."

"That might be a little bit harder than it sounds, Nix" Joel responded.

"Why is that?" she asked.

The doctor spoke up, "It would appear our host, and the overly hormonal engineer are otherwise, indisposed at the moment in a most personal of ways."

A few seconds passed before Nix replied, "They're bumping ugly's again?"

***

* End Chapter Three *

Vindictive Venereal Vices, Batman! Will the fanfic travelers make it off of the station before they are over run with the dreaded Space Herpes? Will Nix and Nancy really write that book involving the castration of our poor Joel? Will Joel have to thoroughly launder and sanitize his bed linens if he ever makes it back to his place? Tune in for the next installment because this story is…

To be continued!

P.S.—the I would love any questions or comments that you all have for me you can either post them on the review page or email them to me at: mojo@iowatelecom.net


	4. Chapter Four

DISCLAIMER:  
  
"Star Trek" and all associated names and characters, with the exceptions of the ones created by myself for this story, are © Paramount. I am a fan of Gene Roddenberry's dream and just wish to keep it alive so that tomorrow's youth may gain by it as I have. This is fan fiction; there is no infringement of copyright intended with this story, nor have I written it for personal financial gain. So relax, engage at full warp and enjoy!

(Please note before reading—In case you haven't read the previous chapters of this story I really recommend it. And please take the time to read the notes at the top of the chapter. It does a lot to explain the reasoning behind this storyline. Reading the reviews is HIGHLY recommended as well. This storyline is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. It is meant to be fun to read and give possible alternate insights into writing for other authors. It is not my intent to make it sound like I am the end all authority on writing…in fact quite the opposite is true…I make many mistakes and try to learn from them. Mistakes I have made in the past I try to bring to light and show the reader how they can fix them in their own works. I want to say thank you to all my loyal readers and those of you who fill up my email inbox with stories and ideas that you want me to take a look at for you all. I am sorry that I have been on somewhat of a sabbatical the last few months…but I promise to do better and post updates and reply to emails in a more timely manner. I would like to thank Nixnivis for being such a sport in allowing me to use her as a character in this storyline, and I would like to thank Tom Hudspeth for allowing me to "invade" his starbase with my characters. I would just like to let you all know that I would NEVER invade a story just to flame it and put the author down. I have to like the story idea or the writing style of the author in order to feel comfortable enough writing a fanfiction of their work. This installment's featured writer is a newcomer to fanfiction and I really look forward to seeing where their work goes. The story they posted, The Misadventures of T'Plan, the Elvish Vulcan, is very original, and I look forward to seeing where shanill the trill takes us with their story. Anyway shanill I hope you take what I write here not too seriously. If anything about this chapter offends you just let me know and I will alter it for you. Anyway I look forward to reading your reviews all and I hope that you get something out of this chapter even if it is just a laugh. So sit right back and hear a tale….a tale of a fateful trip….that started from these tropic shores….)

The Q Who Walks Through Walls

By

Mojo2722

Chapter Four: The misadventures of Elvis the Vulcan

"Joel, Lookout!", Nix said and in an instant had dove across the corridor, tackling him to the floor. A sharp beam of Klingon blaster fire shot through the air where Joel had been standing just a fraction of a second earlier. It struck a wall panel and made sparks dance as the poor control interface faded from life. A slimy, yet lucky, space herpe seemed to mock the Klingon warrior's poor shot as it scurried quickly down the corridor.

The Klingon warrior cursed, "Patakh!" He began to run down the corridor jumping over Nix and Joel in pursuit of the fleeing space herpe. He disappeared around the curve of the corridor with only the sound of his cursing and of phaser fire as a reminder of his presence.

Nix stood up and gave Joel a hand to help him to his feet, "I'm telling you if we stay here we can expect the Klingon's to get only more and more aggressive as this story progresses, and I'm not even going to remind you of the carnivorous tribble threat."

Joel replied, "I agree, we need to get off of this station. I guess I should have read 'the adventure continues…'. That way I would know just how many plot twists to expect from Tom. I mean the space herpes angle was one thing, but genetically modified tribbles is quite another. I suppose the next thing you are going to tell me is that someone is targeting the station getting ready to open fire and destroy it completely."

Nix reluctantly commented, "Actually in chapter two the Klingons did have their…"

"I am not hearing this!" Joel said as the situation was starting to overcome him. He made a mental note to himself that if a package didn't have a label identifying its contents that he would never add water to it again.

Q appeared beside Joel as an old man with a white beard and an old fashioned hearing bell type funnel held up to his ear. With overly dramatic senile tones he asked, "What's that sonny? You need a herring twist?"

Nix spoke up, "Okay Q you have made your point by this chapter. Please get us out of here before one of Tom's many plot twists wind up blowing us up or eating us."

Q snapped his finger into the air and instantly returned to his usual red Starfleet uniformed self, "Oh, and I suppose Privateer written by Hemmingway there would be a safer place to be. Talk about plot twists that could kill you. I just got done visiting chapter ten and let me tell you, if the Borg of Unimatrix alpha didn't kill you the Klingon haggis certainly would."

Nix looked at Joel with confusion, "Klingon haggis?"

Joel replied somewhat defensively, "It seemed logical at the time. I mean I can't think of any more of a disgusting and repulsive food from Earth that would have a chance that the Klingons would like it and therefore have it in their replicator banks."

"Speaking of disgusting food, I'm famished." Q commented with a grin, "Perhaps we should get something to eat, I know just the spot where we can sample some food just about as bad as the Klingon Haggis that Joel wrote about."

Nix spoke up; "I'm so hungry I could eat some cold tofu covered with maple syrup."

Joel tried somewhat unsuccessfully to hide a laugh at her comment, "If I didn't know any better Nix I would say that Dr. Tzu wasn't the only one who was carrying a child. Cold tofu covered in syrup?"

Nix scowled at Joel, "That was humor. I know that your writing is somewhat devoid of it, Joel, so I forgive you that you weren't able to catch it. Besides I am just keeping in mind that the collaboration of writing a book with Nancy about your castration is still possible, and becoming more likely with comments like that."

Joel smiled and mustered up sincerity, "I'm sorry Nix, didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Joel turned to Q and asked, "Speaking of Nancy, where is she and please tell me I am not going to have to burn my sheets again."

Q rolled his eyes, "You can relax, my paranoid partner, nothing happened between Nancy and I at your apartment. It would seem that Nancy has an allergy to cats that someone hasn't bothered to mention in their story yet. As soon as we got there and were engaging in a pre-warp countdown on your bed, that seemingly affection deprived big black ball of fur pounced up between us and demanded to be petted. Nancy's eyes began to swell instantly, and she began to sneeze violently."

"Thank God, I hate it when there is sex going on in my bed and I am not involved with it." Joel said with relief.

"Oh don't think I didn't try after that. I offered her both a shot of antihistamine and Klingon aphrodisiacs, but alas she told me that the moment was lost. Pity really, because once you go Q nothing else ever seems new."

Nix asked, "So where is Nancy now?"

Q answered, "Oh I returned her to the Privateer storyline along with the dear Doctor. You know you really shouldn't have let him run off on his own. Knowing him he would have solved the space herpes infestation and came up with a way to kill off the tribbles before the end of the chapter, and that would have really let down a lot of Tom's readers."

A one-meter in diameter ball of fur rounded the corridor and began to make its way towards them all.

"Is that one of the mutated tribbles?" Joel asked.

"It is indeed." Q replied.

There was a bit of pinkish fluid in splotches on the fur of the tribble. Joel thought he recognized what the fluid was, "Is that Klingon blood?"

Q grinned, "It would appear that our not so little tribble friend here just sampled some Klingon cuisine. Hmm, he still looks hungry. If I didn't know any better I would say that he is thinking of sampling some Terran dishes next."

Nix and Joel began to back away from the tribble towards Q. Nix nervously spoke up as the tribble inched closer and closer, "You were mentioning something about dinner, Q."

"Yes and it would appear that the hungry little guy is going to get some here in a minute." Q responded.

Nix and Joel were practically rubbing their backs against Q now as the tribble was only a few meters away and closing. Nix commented, "No not the tribble's dinner, our dinner, Q. You were saying that you knew of someplace that we could get a bite to eat."

Joel nervously interjected as the tribble raised up and began to reveal an orifice that Joel could only imagine was its mouth, "If the choices are to eat or be eaten, I would settle for a Big Mac at a McDonald's right about now."

"Well I'm afraid where we're going, Joel, you won't be getting to meet Ronald, but instead there may just be someone there that you know." Q replied. With a snap of his fingers into the air the walls of the station disappeared and they all found themselves sitting in a booth of a dimly lit restaurant.

Joel instantly recognized the place, "Q you didn't."

Q clasped his hands behind his head and leaned back in the booth seat, "What's a matter, don't you like my taste in restaurants?"

Nix, trying not to show too much confusion, asked, "Is this a restaurant from a fiction that you've written, Joel?"

Joel was silent. He turned towards a fish tank that was imbedded in the wall and began to tap on the glass lightly, slightly jarring the fish with every tap.

Q brought his elbows down on the table and leaned forward towards Joel, "Well aren't you going to tell her where we are?"

Joel took a deep breath and then let it out in a sigh. He turned back towards Nix and Q and answered, "Nix, welcome to the Boston Grill and Bar in Las Vegas, Nevada USA. No I didn't write about this place in any fiction that I have written. I worked here about four years ago when I moved to Las Vegas when my wife left me for another woman and I had a nervous breakdown. I had a friend who lived here and he was willing to put me up for a bit and found me a job here working as a chef's apprentice."

Q remarked, "Four years ago? Better check your calendar." A calendar flashed into existence on the table and Q slid it to Joel with a couple of fingers.

Joel looked down to the calendar and saw the month and more importantly the year, "Oh my God, Q! You didn't!" Joel almost broke his neck turning around so quickly to get a view of the large windowed room at the head of the restaurant that was the Grill area where people could watch their food being prepared. Standing there in a chef's hat and working some steaks on a grill he saw his own past reflection.

He turned back around shaking his head as it dropped in disbelief. Nix smiled a devilish grin and then said, "Well as if visiting the United States isn't enough of bonus to this little excursion we're having, finding out the bones you have hidden in your closet is going to be interesting."

A haggard woman who was obviously past her prime but still trying to wear the tightest and highest cut cocktail waitress dress came up to the table with an order pad in hand. Her voice that was raspy from years of probable chain smoking coughed out, "Good evening my name is Jackie and I will be your server can I get you anything to drink while you look at the…" She trailed off when she saw Joel. She took a step back and turned to look back at the grill area where Joel of the past was busy working. She asked, "You wouldn't happen to be related to a Joel that works here would you? I mean you are his spitting image."

Q piped up as he leaned back in the booth again, "Well it just goes to show you the class of the restaurant when the help would use the word spit in a sentence when talking with customers."

Jackie looked at Q and smirked, "If you wanted a five star restaurant why didn't you just stay at the Hilton and get dinner there?"

Nix answered, "We didn't come from the Hilton."

Jackie commented, "Oh, well your friend here plays what's his face…that Z guy from that Star Trek show doesn't he? I mean I just assumed that you were in town for the convention. To like sign autographs or something. Lord knows we get enough of you trekkies who wander off of the strip and wind up hungry, tired and completely lost winding up in here."

Q began to speak up, "I'll have you know that I am…"

Nix quickly cut him off leaving his mouth open for a second, "What he is trying to say is that, Yes he is a star of Star Trek, and that yes we are here for the convention and that we haven't made it to our suite at the Hilton yet. We heard some wonderful things about this restaurant and were told that you had a person working here that not only looked like the twin of our colleague here but also had the same first name."

Jackie shook her head, "Oh I tell you this town. Anything can and does happen here twenty-four seven. I noticed your accent, hon. It sounds English, where ya' from?"

Knowing that the truth always seemed to pollute timelines all the fiction that she had ever read, Nix replied, "I'm from England, I'm here doing a documentary on John de Lancie here for the BBC. You know the week in the life of a pop icon."

Jackie still looking a bit confused simply replied, "Oh." She refocused on her order pad and asked, "Well anyway can I get you anything to drink while you look at the menu? Tonight's special is steamers served with a side of sourdough bread by the way."

"I'll take a draw of Amberbock from the bar, please." Joel replied thinking that although the beer wouldn't help them from potentially creating a temporal paradox it would allow him to relax and not really care to much about it.

"What do you have in the way of hot teas?" Nix asked.

Jackie replied, "I don't know it just comes in a little bag. It's tea like you would get at any other restaurant."

Forcing a smile at the typical American ignorance of tea blends, Nix tried to mask her sarcasm as she said, "Charming, I'll have some then."

Jackie turned to Q and asked, "And what will our TV star be having to drink tonight?"

"I'll take a Romulan ale." He answered.

Jackie laughed, "Your funny. Usually most of you actor types that come in here are always so uptight, but you have a good sense of humor." She gave him a suggestive wink, "I kinda like that."

Joel spoke up, "Um, Q maybe you had better tell her what it is you really want to drink."

With pouting tones and shaking his head slightly he said, "No Romulan ale? Fine. I'll take a nice Klingon Bloodwine served at room temperature if that's not too much to ask."

She smiled, "A red table wine it is, we've got a good house label for that." She turned and walked away to get the drinks.

Nix opened a menu and started to look down the list of dinners that were available, "So Chef Joel, what would you recommend for a lady to eat?"

Already knowing the menu by heart Joel sat his menu aside and replied, "I'm not a chef, Nix."

Q quickly retorted, "I would agree with you on that one, Joel. I don't think what you do could even qualify as cooking let alone the culinary art form that the title of chef denotes. But then again I can see how the hat your past self is wearing back there would fool people."

Nix remarked, "Well I think I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and choose to trust his qualifications, Q. So, Joel, what would you recommend?"

Feeling good from Nix's defense of his abilities Joel replied, "I would try the New England style clam chowder with a side of the sourdough bread. In fact that is what I think I will have."

Nix smiled as she closed her menu and set it down on top of Joel's, "Even though I have yet to find a clam chowder that I actually liked, I will trust your judgement in the matter."

Jackie returned with the drinks on a tray and set them down before them. She took the order pad off of the tray and tucked the tray underneath her arm. She smiled and asked, "So have you decided what it is that you would like tonight?"

Nix answered, "Well I have it under good recommendation that your New England style clam chowder is excellent. I think I will have a bowl of it with a side of that sourdough bread you were talking about."

Jackie jotted down the order and turned to Joel, "And you?"

Joel replied, "I'll have the same, Jackie."

Jackie looked at Joel in amazement, "This is too freaky, even the way you say my name sounds just like how our Joel says it." She turned to Q who was looking at and sniffing the glass of red wine before him with a look of disgust on his face, "And for you, Hon?"

Q set the glass of wine back down on the table and answered, "Well I think I will eat light tonight. I would like an order of steamers, a side of sourdough bread, some fried calamari, a plate of shrimp cocktail…and don't give me the small ones…,a New York strip steak cut at least four centimeters thick and cooked very rare, a Caesar salad, the rainbow trout with sweet and sour sauce, some fried ipswitch clam bellies with some lemon wedges, a plate of those bacon wrapped prawns, a folded Denver omelet without celery, some shrimp and pasta with the white wine sauce, a side order of glazed carrots, the lemon caper chicken, a bowl of the New England clam chowder…no on second thought I'll just have some of theirs, a slice of Boston crème pie for dessert, the baked lobster, and…oh yeah…five saltine crackers with pristine edges."

With a look of amazed yet near horror on her face, Jackie scribbled the order down furiously, having to turn the page to complete his order. She looked down at Q and asked, "Will that be all."

Q looked at Nix and Joel with the look of sarcastic seriousness that only Q could pull off, "Do you think we should order an appetizer?"

Joel cupped his eyes with his hand as Nix answered, "Yes, that will be all we need, thank you."

Jackie departed and disappeared into the kitchen shaking her head in disbelief as she walked.

Joel uncovered his eyes and asked, "Do you think you ordered enough, Q? I mean no offense but I never had an order like that come in and I am pretty sure that it is going to affect the timeline. I'm sure my future or present is already changing as we speak."

Q commented, "Humans. What a limited understanding of reality let alone time you have. Besides, having omnipotent powers and being a master of the universe can build up an appetite, even if I have to settle for your cooking. I'd almost rather eat that annoying little Talaxian's food on board Voyager." Q lifted his glass of wine and took a sip. The look of a man having just drunk battery acid came upon his face as he forced himself to swallow. He gasped out, "At least his choice of wines would be better. What did this one come from one of those fine bottles that instead of a cork elects to use a screw on cap?"

"I'll admit that Harry didn't have the best taste in wines, Q. However, his steamers were known across half the city." Joel replied proceeding to lift the glass of dark beer to his mouth and take a sip.

A man dressed up as an Elvis impersonator walked into the room in a rhinestone studded white suit with matching cape. His pompadour hairstyle didn't cover the long pointed elfin like ears he was wearing, and on his suit he wore what appeared to be a Starfleet combadge. In a distinctly overly dramatized voice he said to Joel as he walked up to the table and gave a few signature Elvis pointing moves, "It is indeed a pleasure to see you again, Joel. However, I am somewhat disappointed to know that you are not working tonight. It would seem that I would have to settle for someone else to prepare my fried banana sandwich."

Q asked, "A friend of yours, Joel?"

Joel's mouth dropped open as he didn't know what to say to keep from tipping his hand. Nix came to his rescue, "I'm afraid that you have our Joel mistaken with the one who works here. Part of the reason we are here tonight is because we wanted to see just how much he looks like our Joel."

The Elvis impersonator looked at Q in puzzlement and said, "I see. Then you have my apologies for my intrusion. Good day to you, and may you live long and prosper." He gave the Vulcan split finger gesture and turned and walked away, seating himself in a booth close to the kitchen.

Nix looked at Joel trying to hold back a laugh, "So who is that and what is his story?"

Q grinned, "Oh yes, do tell."

Joel took a giant swig from his glass and then answered, "That my friends would be Sy'Rak. He is the only Elvis impersonator that you will meet that is a big time trekkie and holds the belief that Elvis was not only an alien but came from a culture very similar to the Vulcan's of Star Trek."

"Elvis the Vulcan?" Nix asked.

Q interjected, "That reminds me…" He snapped his finger and two transparent binders with some pages inside of them flashed into existence before Nix and Joel. I was wanting to show you yet another example of how you so called authors can torture us poor characters in the stories you create."

Joel picked up the binder and read the title page, "The misadventures of T'Plan, the elvish Vulcan. What's this all about Q?"

Q answered, "If you took the time to read it I will illustrate my point."

Nix asked, "Can we at least have some dinner before you 'illustrate' your point and wind up taking us into the world of another fanfiction, Q? I'm really hungry."

"My dear Johanna, relax, I just want you to read the story and I will illustrate my point without leaving this restaurant." Q replied.

Reluctantly Nix and Joel opened the binders and read the only page that was in the binder beyond the title page in less than two minutes. Nix remarked, "Wow, that was kind of short and fast to read."

Joel added, "I know what you mean Nix. I mean I like the story idea a lot. It is very creative, however, even though that was just a prologue to the story it kind of made me feel like I had been cheated in some ways. Like I should have been privy to more information than what was provided."

Nix commented, "Yeah, you're right. It was almost like the author had a really good story to tell and was just in too much of a hurry to take the time to expand upon it. They new what their characters were going to say to one another, but didn't take the time to let us know what they were doing and the emotions that were going through their heads when they were talking. It looked like to me that it was mainly just dialogue. Almost as if the author was scared to explore what was going on around the characters."

Q grinned, "Bravo, I didn't even have to point it out to you both this time. Perhaps your hopes of becoming caring authors some day will be rewarded. You are indeed right, Nix. Can you just imagine the characters in the story and how they feel? I mean there they are debating wanting to adopt a child and then within the space of several hundred keystrokes are pushing up daisies in some cemetery somewhere."

Joel replied, "In the authors defense, they may have wanted to focus upon the mystery of T'Plan's birth and upbringing. This prologue may have just been a teaser. I mean it definitely leaves the reader asking questions."

Q replied in frustration, "You're missing my point. I can see that I am not going to be able to convey what was missing in this story without showing you." He snapped his fingers into the air and Nix and Joel found themselves in total darkness.

Nix's voice spoke up from somewhere close in the void, "Q, I thought you said we could enjoy some dinner before you pulled something like this."

Q replied, "Shhh! Be quiet and enjoy the show."

A voice spoke up from the darkness, "Two Vulcans were found dead in their Tokyo home this morning, leaving a six month old baby alone for almost twenty four hours. Little is known about the two, only their names, S'Tchan and Amaer. As more details are revealed we will keep you informed. And now in other news..."

A woman's voice boomed out of the darkness, "I think it would be a very good idea to adopt a child. All children need homes, especially orphans. And then little Hiroyuki could have someone to play with..."

A man's voice echoed back, "Are you sure Nadeshiko? They would make us fill out lots of forms..."  
The woman answered from the darkness, "Oh, Takeo! Forms take little time. Do not worry so much!"

"Yes, but with you going back to Starfleet in a couple months..."

"I will try to get on a starbase. They allow families there. And if I can't right away, my mother will help you raise Hiro and the adopted child. But I promise you I will try my best."

"Oh, alright. Boy or girl?"

"Girl, of course. And about the same age as Hiroyuki."

"Well, I know a nice adoption agency in Tokyo..."

"You want us to move all the way to Honshu?"

"You can't take these things lightly Nadeshiko! Besides, we don't have to move to Tokyo. We can bring the child back with us to Sapporo!"

"Oh! That is good. It is settled. We will go next month then, when Hiro is 11 months old."

Silence overcame the darkness for several seconds before Joel broke out, "So what exactly was that all about and where exactly are we, Q?"

"I would have to say that I want to know what this is all about as well, Q." Nix added.

Q replied from somewhere in the darkness, "Oh? Don't like being kept in the dark? Neither do we characters. We absolutely detest it when an author doesn't see fit to flesh us out and give us the common courtesy of having a body and an environment to move that body around in. To answer your question as to where we are, we are inside of a reader of that stories imagination, and as you can see the imagination of this reader isn't exactly being stirred into Technicolor images by those two scenes."

Joel commented, "Yeah, but a reader is supposed to make some assumptions about the character and the environment that they function in. A reader always paints their own picture of what is going on in the story."

Q quickly replied, "Yes indeed a reader paints their own picture of the story in their imagination. But in this case, like so many others, the reader hasn't the first clue as to what picture that they should be painting. The author didn't see fit to allow his characters to live…that is to say become more real in the readers' mind. No offense, if they aren't real and alive to the reader now, why should the reader care when they are dead a few paragraphs later?"

Nix groaned, "Okay your point is taken, Q. Now can we get back to dinner?"

"Have some patience my dear Nixnivis. I want to show you what those scenes could have been like, had the author taken the time to flesh it out a bit. And let there be light!", Q said. With his final words the darkness faded in a flash, and they found themselves in what appeared to be a twenty-third century apartment. A man was busy turning over some couch cushions obviously scrambling to find something.

The viewscreen on the wall was tuned into the Terran news channel and the female newscaster droned out in her somewhat perky yet hinting of no real emotion for what she was reporting voice, "On Mars colony today, a failure in the secondary power grid shut down the planet's transporter array, causing many people to miss duty cycles or cancel recreational plans. When contacted, the planets chief engineer, Ralph Montgomery, said that they were able to isolate the problem and have the grid fully functional within…"

Frustrated the man who was searching growled out, "Where is that padd!" His wife Nadeshiko and newly born daughter were at the hospital having a six-month checkup being preformed on little Hiroyuki. He was supposed to meet them at the botanical gardens once they were done so that they could pick out a bonsai tree sapling that was sprouted the same day that little Hiroyuki was born. It was becoming a popular trend to get a tree that was sprouted on the same day that your child was born, so that they could keep it and pass it down as an heirloom to their children. He needed to find the data padd because on it was a complete history of both his own and Nadeshiko's lineage. The doctors at the botanical center alter unused genes of the bonsai plant and encode the family histories of both the parents upon them. It creates a living history of names and dates of ancestors that little Hiroyuki could have access to it all her life with only a tricorder scan of the little tree. It was trendy and expensive, however, his wife told him that she wanted it for their daughter and she didn't care how many credits it cost. When Nadeshiko wanted something, he had learned through years of marriage it was better to just give in and let her have it than to argue with her. Tarkalian bulls were less stubborn.

He went over to a set of drawers that were built into the wall of the living room and opened the top one. That drawer had become their catchall drawer for the odds and ends that didn't seem to have a place anywhere else in their home. Sure enough sitting on top of a pile of odds and ends was the data padd. He snatched it up and said, "Computer what is the current time?"

The computer replied, "It is currently thirteen hundred oh two four hours."

He was supposed to be there in six minutes, and the city's mass transit system would take over a half-hour to get him to the botanical gardens. "Computer contact the Terran global transporter operator and request a site to site transport for me from these coordinates and to the city's botanical gardens."

"Operator contacted, do you wish to transport now?" the computer asked.

"Energize."

He faded away in an aura of blue brilliance as the newscaster on the viewscreen went on, ""Two Vulcans were found dead in their Tokyo home this morning, leaving a six month old baby alone for almost twenty four hours. Little is known about the two, only their names, S'Tchan and Amaer. As more details are revealed we will keep you informed. And now in other news..."

The scene changed they were all still in the apartment but the second scene must have started, because the man and a woman with an infant in her arms were now standing around a dining table in the corner of the living room. A tiny bonsai sapling sat upon the center of the table.

The woman spoke up as she sat the now sleeping infant down into a bassinet beside the table, "I think it would be a very good idea to adopt a child. All children need homes, especially orphans. And then little Hiroyuki could have someone to play with..."

The man was at the replicator terminal preparing dinner for them both. Nadeshiko would from week to week change what type of food she wanted them to have for dinner. This weeks kick was Klingon, and even though he didn't like Gagh he would smile as he ate it and replicate a second helping to please Nadeshiko as he loved her that much. The bowls of Gagh finished replicating and he brought them to the table and set them down. He was brought up in a traditional Japanese home were all the meals were eaten upon a mat on the floor, but when they were married Nadeshiko insisted upon the table. There was nothing traditional about his wife. Maybe that is what attracted him to her in the first place. He sat down at the table as she did the same. Grabbing some of the Gagh up with his fingers he replied, "Are you sure Nadeshiko? They would make us fill out lots of forms..."  
Nadeshiko swallowed a small handful of the Klingon worms, smiled, and then laughed, "Oh, Takeo! Forms take little time. Do not worry so much!"

He swallowed the handful of Gagh that he had picked up and forced the look of enjoyment upon his face. He took a drink of seishu to kill off the taste of the revolting worms. How he wished she would return to Terran foods. He'd even settle for some pizza right about now, let alone some fresh sushi with hot steamed rice. He looked at her and already knowing the futility of his words argued, "Yes, but with you going back to Starfleet in a couple months..."

She cut him off as she grabbed another hearty handful of the Klingon worms, "I will try to get on a starbase. They allow families there. And if I can't right away, my mother will help you raise Hiro and the adopted child. But I promise you I will try my best."

Grasping a ginger handful of the worms he sighed as he gave in, "Oh, alright. Boy or girl?"

She heartily swallowed the Gagh and while reaching for another handful replied, "Girl, of course. And about the same age as Hiroyuki."

A friend of his in Tokyo had been told that his wife would never be able to bear a child and they had wanted children so badly. His friend had told him about an adoption agency in Tokyo that helped them to adopt a child so that they could be a family. After taking another swallow of the Gagh and washing it down with a bit more seishu he commented, "Well, I know a nice adoption agency in Tokyo..."

Nadeshiko looked at him with surprise and confusion, "You want us to move all the way to Honshu?"

He sat his seishu down on the table and replied, "You can't take these things lightly Nadeshiko! Besides, we don't have to move to Tokyo. We can bring the child back with us to Sapporo!"

She smiled at her husband with that smile that made him always feel like her eccentricities were worth it. Grabbing another handful of Gagh she said, "Oh! That is good. It is settled. We will go next month then, when Hiro is 11 months old."

The scene flashed away and Q, Nix, and Joel found themselves back in the Boston Bar and Grill sitting at their booth.

Q leaned back in the booth and asked, "So do you see what just taking a little time to give your characters some life can do for a story?"

Nix replied, "I can definitely see where you are coming from, Q. I mean before when I read it I could care less that these people died. It was only facts that let you know a that the girls had parents to begin with. By adding in the details about the family life of the two girls it made me identify with where Hiroyuki and Tepuran came from. I mean showing how much the girls' parents loved each other would go a long ways to making the reader identify with the tragedy of their loss later on in the prologue."

Q grinned, "And they say you can't teach an old human new tricks."

Jackie with a large oval tray of food and a fold up tray stand walked up to the table unfolded the tray stand and set the large tray of food upon it. She began to place the food upon the table, when Nix noticed the Joel of the past walking up behind her with another tray of food and another stand. Joel set the tray stand up and set the large tray of food down on it. Jackie said to him, "Thank you for the help bringing the food out, Joel."

The Joel of the past replied, "It's no problem, Jackie. Besides I wanted to meet this Joel that is my spitting image." He laughed as he came around the table to get a look at Joel, "Besides you never know this guy might be a twin brother that I never knew abou…" He trailed off as he looked at Joel in awe. The Joel of the future had a look of horror on his face. Despite Q's reassurance earlier that the timeline was safe, this was his first temporal incursion and the thought of creating a paradox was freezing his mind up.

The Joel of the past spoke up, "My God, you could be my twin! This is like looking into a freaking mirror."

Nix interjected, "Well that is why we are here tonight. We heard you look so much like our Joel that we had to check it out for ourselves."

The Joel of the future nervously added, "That and we were told that your clam chowder was to die for." He reached forward to grab a piece of the sourdough bread.

His shirt sleeve rode up slightly as he did and that is when the Joel of the past noticed it, "Where did you get that scar on your arm? I have one just like it. I mean it is identical to it."

Joel of the future began to stammer, "I…a…well…I…a…"

Having overseen and overheard part of the commotion, Sy'Rak the Vulcan eared Elvis impersonator came up behind Joel of the past and said, "As an ancestor of mine once said, 'when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains no matter how improbable is the truth.' I would put out the supposition that this is not a person that merely looks like you Joel. I would hypothesize that he is in fact you. The only real question here is where or perhaps more accurately when he came from."

* End Chapter Three *

Perplexing Paradoxes, Batman! Has Elvis the Vulcan just doomed Joel to having his timeline changed when he gets back home? Will Nix get the chance to eat her meal? Will Q actually eat all that he ordered? And who's picking up the check anyway? Tune in for the next installment because this story is…

To be continued!

P.S.—the I would love any questions or comments that you all have for me you can either post them on the review page or email them to me at: mojo@iowatelecom.net


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